"Punishing Love" (Saints & Haints, Chapter 34)

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In stark contrast to last week's post, in which I described the most delightful aspects of having a romantic relationship with an earthbound spirit; this week's post is a snapshot of what has happened to us since then.

I warned you that this sort of thing is never quite what it seems to be in the beginning.

One of the reasons for that is that Satan punishes love. 

Chapter 34
Punishing Love

So that is what A and I had, the second time he came into my life, and Satan nearly destroyed it.

During the night of November 30th, I was awakened from my sleep by the feeling of someone having sex with me. I was sick with a sinus infection, and I had gone to bed feeling terrible. I was lying on my side, and I perceived this molestation as I was waking up. I didn't think it was my demons, though. I sensed their locations; some were standing at the head of the bed, and some were sitting on the bed beside me. They were not touching me. I couldn't feel any spirit energies touching me anywhere on my body, yet I felt my vaginal muscles being manipulated; they were being spread apart, as if something nonexistent was somehow thrusting into me. This sensation ceased soon after I woke up completely.

I rolled over onto my back, and, looking up, I saw Wrong-A, as a very clear, detailed vision. He had a bleak expression on his face, and he was standing beside a "hilarious contraption," as Freddie called it. It was a big machine with a maneuverable arm. It looked similar to the device one looks through at an optometrist's office, except that it had an "attachment" on the front of it. The porn industry would call it a "fucking machine." I drew the bed covers close to my chin, and looked up at him questioningly. Callous, and with a grimace fixed on his face, he commanded, as a thought-transference,
"I need you to strip down for me, and spread your legs. Let me see if this thing needs any adjustments."
His coldness was terrifying.
I said,
"No."
He looked at me sternly, and communicated,
"Come on. I need to make a video for Satan."
I said,
"No! I'm not into this."
He sighed heavily then, and raked his fingers through his hair. He looked very stressed out as he communicated,
"I'm not either."
He shook his head then, and suddenly he appeared more worn out than coldhearted, like a man whose job was getting the best of him. I said that I was sick, and that I was going back to sleep. Demonasty said to him,
"Yeah, she's sick; leave her alone for now."
He relented, signing off with a sigh of exasperation, and troubled me no more that night.

What was going on here was something I would never have understood if I hadn't experienced something similar before. It was not an actual machine, it was mind control. Demons can control our minds, even from a distance. I am discovering more all the time about the things they're capable of, but I can't explain how it works. I know that they can hack into our minds, very much like hacking into a computer. 

Actually, I should have known all along that this sort of thing was possible, but it took a while for me to wrap my head around the concept. During my initial possession, one of the things Psycho Jesus did was make my right pectoral muscle spasm repeatedly. Then he laughed about it and asked,
"What's wrong with your breast?"
I know it sounds bizarre, and I don't have any proof; but muscle movements are a neurological, brain-controlled process, and demons can do all manner of brain-related things, like influencing behavior, causing hallucinations, altering memories, and erasing memories. I'm assuming that, in both these instances, my muscles were being controlled the same way my brain usually controls them, but by an external source, because demons can access and manipulate our brains.

Our brains, obviously, control a lot. It occurred to me while writing this section that the same method they use to make us hear words within sounds, the ability to manipulate our brain's perception of sounds, that is, may explain the deaf and mute demoniacs mentioned in the gospels. If spirits are capable of changing the way we hear sounds, perhaps it's not that farfetched to think that they could prevent us from hearing sounds at all.


During the night of December 1st, I woke from my sleep thinking about that first time that A and I blended energies; how he had hovered over me and then sank down into me, how good that had felt. Suddenly the animation of A popped up, though he was lower down on the screen than usual. He, as a neon-colored chalk drawing, was down in a hole, digging. There was another hole in front of him. It looked like two graves. He looked up abruptly, as if my imaginings had caught his attention. He transferred the thought to me,
"Oh... I love you for fantasizing about that..."
He motioned as if to hug me, and I visualized putting my arms around him too. I felt him say, very emotionally,
"Yes... baby..."

When I looked surprised about the grave digging, he sent the message,
"Yeah, I'm still down here."
I thought then of how he had slept 'in' me, and how I could still feel him the morning after. Then a thought-transference came to me, from an unidentified person,
"He never wanted intimacy with anyone else."

A was still digging. Without looking up, he sent the message,
"Yeah, you're done for. I put you in the ground."
Then he did look up at me, and thought,
"When we're up there, we'll love each other, and we'll fight all this evil. Our mind connection won't be a problem up there, but it is while I'm there and you're here."
After a moment, he left me with the message,
"Send your love up, not to me."
I interpreted his meaning to be that I should send my love up to Jesus, not to him, because he felt that he didn't deserve it.

Throughout the next day, Wrong-A popped up periodically, as the animation, complaining that he was horny, and I needed to forget my pets and come on up there. 


During the night of December 2nd, I awoke sensing that A was watching over me, and that he and my demons had been having a conversation. I started thinking about the nights when A, in spirit form, had slept in my bed with me. I was thinking specifically about a night when I'd woke up, feeling as though I were still half-dreaming, and I'd seen him, in my mind's eye, sitting on his side of the bed playing guitar. I had reached out and touched him. It had felt as if my hand hit a solid wall of air. I was thinking, sadly, that I missed snuggling with him. He indicated that we still can, sort of. My left hand then closed into a fist, as if someone invisible had taken hold of it. He was using the mind control technique again to manipulate my hand muscles, as a symbolic way of holding my hand.

He "held my hand," and we drifted together, thoughts connected, until I fell asleep again. As we drifted, the thought came to me that I have EVP recordings of him, because he had been here those nights, as an earthbound spirit. I had, of course, been brainwashed into thinking those recordings were of Johnny. I realized then, however, that A was the one who had said,
"Hey... I love you," and the one who had asked me repeatedly to marry him. I recalled also that I have EVPs in which he's laughing at me cruelly.

I hadn't listened to those recordings in a long time, but after that realization, I listened to them again. I discovered that his name had been stated several times in those first recordings at my house. His name had been pronounced, correctly; and it's clear as day, to me, now, although I missed it when I first analyzed those recordings. I've gotten a lot better at hearing those things.

My demons interjected that he had also bragged about me, shown me off, and sent pictures of me to Satan. A seemed to acknowledge that it was true. He thought, remorsefully, 
"You married me in Hell, and I made fun of you for it."
I said,
"Well, you probably had to treat me unkindly. I've already forgiven you."
I sensed sorrow.
Demonasty said,
"You might have to love him back into shape."

Sometime later, I woke up again, waking A up in the process, with my thoughts. My demons commented,
"He wakes you up like that sometimes too."
I rolled over on my side then, and once I'd repositioned myself, my hand was held once more. It was good to hold hands, sort of, at least. It would have been nice to have privacy; but we will never have that, until after I leave this Earth. Before falling back asleep, I was thinking that holding my hand long distance was one of the best proofs I had that A was no longer a demon. If he had still been a demon, he could've come and held my hand in person; and I was certain that he would have.