Death Sentences (Saints & Haints, Chapter 35)

 Listen to audio

As "the demon attack of 2022" continues, it is made abundantly clear to me that demons don't want me to remain alive, or to continue my writing.

The true story of a psychic medium's spiritual journey continues...

Chapter 35
Death Sentences

"If anyone asked me,

'What is Hell?'

I would answer,

'Distance between people

who love each other.'"

-Unknown

As my lost memories from February of last year were restored, I had to re-examine the ones which had remained intact as well. As I wove together the two parts of the story, mine and A's, the motives behind Satan's attack on us became clearer.

I've mentioned that during my initial possession I hallucinated for an entire day. That memory had remained in tact, but hearing A's side of the story helped me to see parts of that experience in a different light. I recalled that Psycho Jesus, and the other demons torturing me, told me that I needed to move out of my house. The house I live in belonged to my great-grandparents; and those demons told me that my great-grandparents were not pleased with my choice of a husband. They said that because I had married a dead person, which was forbidden, my great-grandparents were ashamed of me; and they were afraid they'd "get in trouble with God and Satan" if they supported our union. I'd have to move, they said, because I could no longer live in that house.

I had told them calmly, 
"Fine. I'll move, then."
I remembered them seeming kind of surprised by that response. They'd said something like,
"Really? You wouldn't just... give up your husband? Because, if you were to do that, then you could stay."
When I still refused, they said,
"Your great-grandmother is there with you now. She wants to talk to you."
I felt a hand on my shoulder then. I turned around in my chair, and there, floating behind me, was "the ghost of my great-grandmother." Of course, it wasn't actually her; it was an impersonator. Demons can choose to appear however they want. It was a pretty good likeness, though.

"She" appeared as a white, smoky figure, and very old; the age she'd been when she died. The impersonator appeared as the little bent-backed lady I remembered. The center of her face was the most clearly rendered. I'd been able to see the age spots on her nose. This demon, impersonating a saint, had mimicked her voice pretty well too, having pulled the sound of it from my memory. At the time, I'd believed the apparition to be real. "My great-grandmother," in her aged and shaky voice, said to me,
"Let him go... You can let him go. Just let him go..."
She remained with me for a while; patting my shoulder, pretending to soothe me while I cried. That incident was further proof, I realized, that those demons had been doing absolutely everything they could to attack my relationship with A, and to break us up. I still didn't understand why it mattered so much.

On December 3rd, the animation of Wrong-A was being a jerk again. It was the same routine as before, pressuring me to "come on up," making obscene gestures, and acting mad at me because I wanted to stay here with my pets. He seemed to feel that I should choose him over my pets; and there was a repetitive theme of,
"I'm horny, and I'm tired of watching out for you, so forget your kids and come on up."
He was also telling me, again, to take the rings off. I didn't.

A short while later, it seemed that there was an exorcism, or at least, that same bunch of noise occurred that was supposed to be an exorcism. My demons told me,
"Your husband is sick. He's in Heaven, but still suffering from demon-programming. He wasn't convinced of his citizenship; he was thinking that if you didn't get up there soon and marry him, they'd throw him back down in the sewer."
Later Some-A acknowledged, in animation format, that what my demons had said was true. He indicated, through gestures and thoughts,
"I'm crazy. I'm crazy about you; and I was thinking they'd throw me back down there."
He also communicated,
"Leave the rings off, for the time being. It doesn't mean I'm not your husband."
So, I took the rings off; since apparently we weren't actually breaking up.

In the night, I awoke abruptly, thinking about the ice cream cone symbolism. Then the animation of Some-A appeared. He was sitting on a cloud, and behind him was an opening in the clouds, like a gateway to Heaven. He smiled, and pointed to the opening. I felt the message,
"Get up here."
When I hesitated, he thought to me,
"Really. They said you can come on up any time you want to, considering the circumstances. It's up to you."
I said,
"That doesn't make any sense; because I have left that in Jesus' hands, so in Jesus' hands, it is. I have also requested not to leave my babies. So, if the choice is mine, I'll stay."
I sensed disappointment then, as the lights faded in the vision. He waved goodbye, took my ring off and threw it at me, and then pointed downwards and held his nose, as if to indicate,
"I'm going back in the water!"

For the record, it was never lost on me that this was another situation, exactly like the one I'd been in the previous year, when I'd been negotiating false-salvation with Satan. It had always been a lose/lose situation, where I'd have two options and neither of them were good; a situation where I'd have to give up something. Once again, the two items up for bartering were A and my babies; only this time, it was A himself who was attempting to broker an arrangement.


The next time I saw any A, I didn't know if he was Right-A or Wrong-A, but at least he was in good humor. He was referring to a sign I'd made last year, early in my possession ordeal. Long story short, I had made a big wooden sign. It was a note, addressed to pretty much everyone in Heaven, explaining what was going on. I had done that because the demons had told me that my prayers for assistance weren't getting through, because they had blocked Heaven from being able to hear me. I didn't know if that was true, but my prayers didn't seem to be making a difference. I placed the sign facing upwards in my yard, as a plea for help, because I doubted that they could block Heaven from seeing me.

The animation, between bouts of hysterical laughter, communicated,
"We have that sign hanging on the wall up here. Really, we do... It was smart, really. I mean, considering the circumstances... It was definitely thinking outside the box!"
It was obvious that he was reading my first book, because then he was laughing about another part of that chapter; where I had written about some of the weird suggestions I'd found online for getting rid of demons. One of those suggestions had been to paint angelic sigils on your walls with invisible paint.
"I couldn't do that one, because I didn't have any invisible paint," he quoted me. Then, looking around all confused-like, while shrugging his shoulders, he added,
"But how would you know?"

That night, however, Wrong-A was back, waking me from my sleep and harassing me. By that point, I had been wondering for a while if Right-A and Wrong-A really were one and the same, as Some-A had said. I still suspected at times that one of them might be an imposter. I was leaning towards both of them being the same, however, because if Right-A was watching over me, why wasn't he ever around to stop Wrong-A from being a jerk to me?


The next morning, before work, I received a thought-transference from an unknown source,
"The apple means forbidden knowledge."

On my way to work, I felt that someone was guiding my thoughts, urging me to look closely at the timeline of the events which had occurred since the summer; as if looking at the sequence of events might tell me something I'd overlooked.

I concluded that everything had been fine until June, when I'd started hearing the crickets more often, and then I'd had that argument with S. Following that, in July, my demons had done that thing with the heart-hands that I could see with my eyes closed. I was guessing that A had asked them to test that communication method on me. Then, also in July, I'd done the tarot readings, and I had determined that A had been the one assisting me with those, at least until I made the Hieroglyphics cards. I didn't know why he had waited until August to announce himself; but I was certain that he'd been tuned into my channel again since June.


I sat in the truck for a few minutes after arriving at work, making some notes in my journal. The animation appeared, asking, again, if I wanted to come on up. I said, for the thousandth time it seemed, that no, I did not. I told him,
"That is in Jesus' hands! I can't leave my babies! Not if I have a choice!"
He explained then,
"You're in danger. You have a target on your back because of me, because you 'sprung me out,' so to speak; and because you're writing things in that book that Satan doesn't want anyone to know. If you want to live, you need to cut off all communication with me, and DO NOT finish that book."
I said, after only a moment's hesitation,
"Well, that's what I have to do then. It's not what I want to do, but it's the only way."
He appeared to take that calmly. He communicated to me,
"Okay. I understand. I'll be waiting for you. I'll still watch over you. I love you." 
And then he was gone.

Just a moment later, however, as I was still sitting there trying to process that exchange and it's implications, he was back. He reappeared, and sent the message,
"Yeah, that's not gonna work. I can't cut off communication with you."
I thought to myself,
"He's a demon!"
But I had to smile.

He transferred the thought to me,
"That probably wouldn't work anyway. Just write the book. In fact, don't go to work. Quit your job..."
I looked at him suspiciously then, because I had quit my job at the factory the year before during the demon invasion. It was a little too eerily similar. What the fuck? Was this just a ploy to get me to quit my current job?

"I mean it," he continued, "You don't have long. That's what they said."
He looked up then, implying that God had said that.
"Go to work if you want to. Whatever you want to do. Just write the book, as quickly as possible. But... as soon as it's published, you're coming up here."
I nodded in agreement. True or not, what else could I do?