"Trust" (Saints & Haints, Chapter 29)

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"Trust"
(Saints & Haints, Chapter 29)
Making Fun of Demons Blog post 73

When marriage to a spirit is proposed --for the second time-- I decide, once again, to trust "A," the real one, regardless of whomever it is who is asking. 

Chapter 29
Trust


November 20th, 2022
(from my journal)

This morning, when I first woke up, I was being reminded, through guided thoughts, of the rose, the house, and the cat that were drawn on the Spirit Mirror app. I sensed that it was a message from A, and that he was providing me with an example of communication between us, in those early days, before the demon invasion. I questioned the blue foot and the blue demon face, images I'd also seen in Spirit Mirror. I perceived an explanation, which came as a concept, that those images were made by a demon, but they were made from outside the screen. I remembered then that there had been a blue "finger" that seemed to be poking out of the sofa. I felt that he was explaining that he had been using the app, and then a demon photobombed.

(The lighting conditions in the room never changed. I do not have a fluorescent overhead light either. The foot morphed into a face.)

As I was getting out of bed, I was being reminded, again, of the arm reaching into me and touching my heart. I had to leave for church soon, though. The animagus popped up and showed me hands on a steering wheel, and then he pointed to his head and then to me. I translated this as,
"Go ahead. I'll talk to you more while you're driving."

After I'd been driving for a while, he began answering my unspoken questions about whether certain things I'd experienced recently had been him or demons. Then I thought of my arm being lifted and placed on my pillow beside my face. He turned towards me, almost violently, with a devious grin on his face. I felt his words,
"That was me. AND I WANT THAT."
"And I want something from you." came simultaneously as a thought-transference.
It was the same mannerisms as the man who had said,
"Is that what you want?
Then keep looking at me."
Then he asked me, through thought-transference and gestures, to say a prayer at church that morning,
"Say that you love me, and that you want to marry me in Heaven."

I didn't know what to think. I was starting to believe that I was definitely talking to a demon, at least some of the time. Honestly, in the back of my mind, I had wondered if I'd someday bump into the real A in Heaven, and he'd be like,
"So, tell me about this clandestine on-again off-again relationship we've been having for years..."
Still, this was no gun-to-my-back, while being influenced and terrorized, proposal. The person I was communicating with was supposed to be a saint, and I was in no distress whatsoever, and he was asking me to do this at church. I decided that I'd do it; but I'd do it exactly the same way I had before.

At church, while waiting for Mass to start, with thoughts of everything that had happened recently buzzing around in my head, I found myself talking to A again. There was something I'd been thinking for a while, since I'd learned that he might have been the cause of my demon troubles. Finally voicing this, I said silently to him.
"I'm sorry I haven't told you before now, but you brought me to Jesus. You did. Even if you were the cause of it all, then look at it that way. You made all of this possible. Now we can shed some light on this subject and maybe it will help someone. I think that's exactly what we're supposed to do. I think this is our quest that we're supposed to complete together."

After Mass ended, I prayed, cautiously,
"Jesus... I know you know that I've heard from a lot of conflicting little voices lately, but I just wanted to let you know that I do love [A's full name], the one I knew here on Earth, and if he wants to marry me when I get to Heaven, then I do want that too. And please help me sort out the things I don't understand..."
On the way home from church, the crickets were louder, and I felt an excited energy. I saw the animation clapping his hands.
I felt him say,
"You did good with that prayer."

At work that afternoon, the first song that played was "Every Breath You Take," and I felt a sensation, almost as if someone was leaning in behind me, close to my shoulder. I sensed happiness. On Instagram, I was drawn to wedding images, including a video clip of a dog serving as a bridesmaid, and oil paintings of weddings in the 1800s, specifically, "Finally Alone" (1878) by Edoardo Tofano, "The Proposal" (1853) by William Powell Frith, and "The Wedding Morning" (1892) by John Henry Frederick Bacon. There was also a painting of Jesus hugging a couple.