Sleep Disturbances & Reassurances (Saints & Haints, Chapter 28)

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Those harassed by demons will often be subjected to bad dreams and sleep disturbances, as these are common tactics used by demons in an attempt to erode our health and sanity.

I describe a few instances of nighttime harassment from my personal experiences in this chapter, as that particular attack on my life and wellbeing continues into late 2022.
 

Chapter 28
Sleep Disturbances & Reassurances

"Shadow people are a common hallucination experience for people with narcolepsy."

reads the headline of an article featured on

narcolepsy.sleep-disorders.net

I can save them a lot of time on their research.

Not hallucinations.

Not a sleep disorder.

I wrote all day on November 16th, and in the night I awoke abruptly from a bad dream. It was a rapey sort of dream, though not too violent. In the dream, a man was forcing me down onto a sofa; he was pinning me, with one of his legs between mine. When I awoke, I actually felt something; something not-visible, yet somewhat solid, something about the size of a man's leg, between my legs. When I moved, however, it dissipated.

Then I heard something strange. It sounded like old-timey gospel singing. It sounded as if it was coming from the boom box on my dresser, which was powered off. This is the same boombox that has crosses drawn on it, and prayers written all over it; the same one that kept stopping when I played exorcism prayer CDs last year. As I listened closely, I recognized the voice of the female in my group of demons. She was singing, repeatedly,

"It makes the grass a little greener,
and the Earth a little sweeter,
and the air a little cleaner,
when we're workin' for our Lord."

I have heard them playing music at night before, so that didn't concern me.

I noticed that Freddie was snuggling me, which is not a new experience either. I could feel him beneath me, in the mattress, and he was holding my upper arms. He said,
"Don't forget who our Lord is... it's King Jesus."
I sleepily thought,
"I wonder when they'll send a boat for you?"
He replied,
"I think we just might have to wait and hitch a ride with you and that sky Jackson. I think that might be part of the dealio, that we stay here and help you complete your last few tasks."
I fell back asleep then. I mean... that was a little more activity than what I usually experience at night, anymore; but not enough to make a fuss about. This is my life. I sometimes view these disturbances as proof that I am not telling one of Satan's approved versions of the story, and that's a good thing. The mediums who've "never met a bad spirit," and who go around talking about "love and light" aren't being harassed. If you spend enough time with spirits, you'll have a bad experience eventually.

Actually, that particular sleep-molestation incident brought up an interesting point. I realized something after that, and I felt stupid for not thinking of it before. Sexual desire is not the result of either brains or hormones, as Science would tell us; because ghosts have neither, and most of them are horny. I should have realized that. After all, they see without eyeballs and hear without ears as well. Senses are not dependent upon brains or body parts.


The day following the sleep disturbances, I was getting the concept that I was not hearing from A because he was busy protecting me, from aristocratic demons, specifically, who were influencing my demons to be assholes to me.

The morning after that, I awoke to a very confusing experience. I felt loving energy, and I felt that A was connecting with me; that he was present in my mind. I could sense the physical locations of my demons; at least one was in the mattress beneath me, and the others were behind the headboard of the bed. I perceived that A was looking down at me. I perceived this loving energy as coming from a certain location... hovering above me. It felt as if he was there physically. I knew that could've been a trick, though; there could have been some demon hovering over me, while I was being influenced to perceive that it was A. I was confused because I didn't think it was one of my demons, and I didn't understand why A would be standing by while some new demon harassed me in that manner. I perceived a blank face looking down at me, something I'd experienced before. At times, I've been able to see, in my mind's eye, a human figure on top of me, but where the face should be, there is only a transparent oval. Then my hands began to move, not at my instruction. My arm was moved; picked up and placed beside my head on the pillow, and then my hand was kissed by a spirit.

Those actions, of moving my arm, and then kissing my hand, reminded me of Johnny, and I felt that was the point. Those were things he had done, in the beginning; when we had coexisted peacefully, albeit with very limited communication, because I was not yet a very skilled medium. If I didn't know where he was, I'd hold out my hands, and he would come and take them. I'd ask him yes or no questions, and in response, he'd raise one of my hands and kiss it for "yes" or gently lower it without a kiss for "no." The kisses felt like puffs of air.

Then A sent me a thought-transference,
"I was connecting with you, in your mind, before Johnny came along."
Then, with my eyes closed, I saw a vision. It was another chalk drawing, in browns and purples, but very detailed. At first, he was standing in my artwork, the picture at the beginning of this chapter. Then the scene changed, and he was leaning against the rock wall of a cavern, his arms crossed nonchalantly. I felt the words,
"I had no idea you'd be so open to spirit communication."
I responded telepathically,
"I had no idea you'd want to talk to me."
He indicated, through gestures, that he felt married to me in his heart already. He also rejected his old photo again, seemingly saying that he's "not that guy." Then I felt him ask me,
"What do you feel in your heart?"

I hadn't answered yet, when I saw a vision that was so clear it looked like a clip from a movie. A woman and a man were lying on very green grass in a foggy mountain valley. The scenery brought to mind a Spring morning, somewhere in the British Isles. The woman was wearing a seafoam green dress, in a medieval style. She had long red hair. There was a tiara, or an ornate hair ornament, on her head. The man was A. He was dressed in a steampunk ensemble, with a gray woollen cape, a black and white striped shirt, a brown vest, and loose-fitting black pants. His pants and shirt appeared to be made from a silk-like material. The woman looked dead; yet he somersaulted theatrically to his feet. He stood with his arms outstretched, looking triumphant, with a sly grin on his face. I thought, about the woman,
"Who's that?"
He pointed to me, and mouthed the words,
"That's you."
I could see that he had vampire fangs. I responded,
"What happened to me?"
He mouthed the words,
"That's where I bit ya,"
and bared his fangs at me.
Then, in neon-outlined drawings, I saw a woman catching babies and tossing them, one after another; and then a huge teal eye. Then a big, transparent, neon-outlined man appeared in the center of the scene. He pointed sharply at the ground, as if he was a badass or something. I felt the words,
"A race of teal-eyed people."


It was around that time that the female demon, who has said that I may refer to her as "Demonasty," started telling me that these visions were "hilarious confession videos." I understood that A was directly confessing to having communicated with me before I ever had any trouble with demons. I assumed that this meant that he had begun the telepathic communication between us, and therefore was possibly "to blame," so to speak, as Demonasty had accused him in song. I reasoned that it must've been weighing on his conscience that I had been thinking that he was protecting me completely out of kindness; when actually there was a bit of guilt there, and maybe even a sense of obligation.

As if in confirmation of those thoughts, I was reminded then of how I had first learned of his death. A random coworker, who had been in his class in school, had told me about it, having read about it herself online. She hadn't known of our connection, though; and didn't have any reason to presume that he and I had ever known each other personally. Still, she'd asked me that day, with a troubled expression on her face, if I knew him, and then she'd told me of his untimely death in Seattle. I had thought at the time that it was a strange conversation. It had seemed as if she felt compelled to tell me. I could see, in retrospect, that he might've been influencing her that day; and that might have been the first of several attempts to reach out to me, before I ever understood it, and started reaching back.

After A had gone, my demons explained that they "might have helped him accomplish that simulation," and they confessed that one of them had kissed my hand.


That night, I was still confused. Sitting in my truck, after arriving home, I asked A to tell me the truth, about whether or not it had really been him in the visions that morning, and why he, or someone, kept telling me,
"I'm not that guy."
After a minute or so, I felt a calm, loving energy; and I saw A, in a detailed chalk drawing, enter the scene in my mind's eye. There was a smile on his face, and he bent down and gestured kissing me on the cheek. Then he slowly nodded yes, with a satisfied smirk. His face, which I could see clearly, wore an expression that bespoke arousal.

I asked him again why he kept rejecting his picture.
He illustrated a figure doing pushups, and then a figure flexing, showing off his biceps.
I asked, laughing,
"Whaaat?? Because you're more buff now?"
Demonasty, laughing from the back seat, said,
"He looks buff as hell in that picture."

He showed me the two of us dancing, me in a big white dress, a skull, and then him stuffing my huge dress into a car and driving away. Then we were dancing again. Then I saw a woman holding a baby. I asked him,
"You won't let anything bad happen to me? I mean, as far as... demons?"
He morphed into a samurai-esque slayer, and smiled at me reassuringly. Next I saw a heart, like the heart that had been on my chest in the very first vision, with a keyhole in it. It turned away from me, and moved towards me, as if he meant to actually place it over my heart. There was a rope feeding down into it, through the keyhole. Then there was a man on my side of the picture, and a woman on his side. He kissed her hand, and then they traded places. I tossed a ribbon tied heart to him. He caught it, and tucked it under his coat before descending down the rope into the keyhole. Next we exchanged more dancing scenes, as well as some steamier romantic scenes. I sent him a scene that he must've really liked, because he responded with an animation of a man in a row boat, rowing quickly towards me.

I asked him about this book, if I was doing the right thing by skirting around the truth? I hadn't gotten very far with it yet, but at that point, I was planning to leave out everything besides middle school crush feelings, as far as the two of us were concerned. He showed me hands placing a heart on a shelf, and then hands stirring a cauldron, and then numerous hands stacking on top of each other, as if making a pact. Then men who had been lying face down began standing up.
I said,
"So, yes... because the dead will come after me?"
Demonasty supplied,
"It'll make you a target for the dead. Stir the pot with the dead."
He illustrated hands pumping a shotgun. Then he showed me a book, and someone slashing across a page, as if to say,
"Strike it out of the book."
Then we exchanged hearts again, and said goodbye for the time being.

I realized then that there's a bit of a time warp when these experiences happen. That entire interaction felt like 15 minutes, but it had actually lasted almost an hour. I went to bed after that. Once in bed, I sent him that scene he'd liked so much again, but he stopped it by placing his hands on my waist in the vision. He shook me three times, and as he did so, I felt the words,
"I. love. you."
Then, in the vision, we were standing, and he was hugging me from behind. He wrapped a blanket around my shoulders, and then hugged me again over the top of the blanket. He showed me through actions that he would watch over my house and babies, and then he sat down to read a book. I understood that it was this book, what I had written so far. Then he was waving me away, with a sweet smile on his face. It seemed that I was being ordered to sleep, so I did.