Blessed & Cursed (Saints & Haints, Chapter 30)

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In the aftermath of mine and A's vow renewal, someone who is upset about our union attacks me both at work and at home, and during both sleep and wakefulness.

A stunningly clear apparition delivers mixed messages, and my spirit friends seem to turn on me.

The true story of a psychic medium's spiritual awakening continues...
 

Chapter 30
Blessed & Cursed


Later that same day, November 20th, in my last few hours at work, I had an asshole customer who pissed me off way more than he should have. It was obvious that he was suffering from delusions of grandeur; specifically that he was more intelligent, educated, and important than the customer service representative who was trying to assist him. He was intentionally being abrasive and condescending, which is nothing out of the ordinary for those of us who deal with the public; but still, something wasn't right about the altercation we had. I can usually ignore those types, and these encounters don't usually affect me too much.

My demons were hyperactive during the exchange. They were yelling insults at me too; and they would NOT shut up. I realized that it was a demon attack sometime after that guy had left the store. It felt as if they were angry, and they had exacerbated my anger, and kept me angry for longer than I should have been. They calmed down a bit after he left, and one of them said to me,
"You are not that bad to most people on the planet. I think that you just don't like demon-affected individuals." 

On top of that, I felt that I hadn't heard from the real A since before work. I had seen "the animagus," though. He kept popping up and gesturing comments about every thought that came into my head. I was thinking,
"Great. Just great! What the fuck is this? Another way to have Schizophrenia?"
I knew that I was under attack. There was an exorcism, seemingly, as soon as I got home, and I ate and slept a little.

I was back up well before dawn, however, throwing a fit for several hours. I got up and did some housework while ranting and raving. I felt, at the time, that I was myself again, and no longer under the influence; but looking back, I'm certain that was not the case.

I was thinking, basically, that A wasn't really in love with me, and that either my visions had come from Heaven, but They^ had only been testing me to see if I'd believe the same story about A again; or that I'd actually been courted by a demon again, and They^ had allowed it to go on, while I had prayed for guidance the entire time. I was pissed off, because I was convinced that Heaven had perhaps been testing me, yet so cruelly that it had amounted to just fucking with me. I thought,
"Well. I guess there's no point in asking to speak to A, because I'll only get more lies."
Something like that, was the gist of it. No, it did not make that much sense. It was as if I woke up angry about these things; as if someone had planted these ideas in my mind while I slept.

Before falling asleep again, I started crying. Then I slept a while. Then I woke up again, sensing a presence, and feeling that I was being checked on by a saintly protector. I sensed that whomever it was wanted to know if this arrangement, my vow to remain single, and my plan to marry A when I get to Heaven, was still what I wanted. I acknowledged that it was. I felt that I was being instructed to leave the wedding rings off and to only wear the celtic staying single ring. Then I couldn't fall back asleep, so I laid awake, talking to my demons, who had calmed down, and were being sort of nice again. I was feeling better also.

My demons had this theory that the entire purpose of the proposed setup with S was really just to force me and A to confess our feelings for each other. They actually made sort of a plausible argument for it. They said they thought that A was my original "twin flame soul match," a term they used in jest. They theorized that S was supposed to have been a replacement perhaps, if all parties had agreed, since my original match had died an untimely death; but they suspected that all along the plan had actually been to get the original to step up and stake a claim on me. We probably shouldn't theorize about such things, but we do.

We examined the fact that I'd been attacked with mind fuckery again, by real demons, and there was probably a correlation between that and what I'd done at church that morning. My faith that the real A actually loved me, was restored by that bit of deductive reasoning.
"Something about you and that guy..." one of my demons said, "just pisses them yellow jacket hornets off!"
There was definitely a connection between A's resurfacing in my life and being attacked by demons again. That definitely seemed to indicate that A was on the side of good, and that, for some reason, our union was a threat to Satan.

Then I had another concept to come to me, from somewhere, and as soon as it registered, we were all shocked into silence for a moment. The idea being communicated was,
"What if the attempted setup with S was a strategy for my protection, to make the real demons think I'd moved on? To make them think that I had no affiliation with A anymore?"
Of course, we all knew that you can't really trick mind readers. The only way they'd think that was true is if it was actually the truth, at least, as far as I knew. I would've had to actually fall in love with S, and love him with all my heart, for that plan to have worked.
We thought that made a lot more sense, actually, than our first theory; especially considering the year and a half of no contact with A. When I thought of the implications of that, that A might have been willing to cut off communication with me, and then watch me have a relationship with someone else, just to keep me safe... it brought tears to my eyes.

Then we wondered why it was such a big deal to those aristocratic demons that I loved this particular man. Obviously it had something to do with the fact that he was deceased, but so what? Didn't people lose their romantic partners all the time and still love them? Jealousy was the only reason we could come up with. Maybe they just wanted all the women for themselves.


The next morning, Wrong-A appeared in a vision, "impersonating one of his betters," as we chided him. I was on the back porch smoking my morning cigarettes. He appeared as a crystal clear, realistic image; levitating in mid air above my driveway. He was gorgeous. He was wearing the ice cream suit, minus the paper hat; and he showed me that he was wearing my wedding ring, halfway down, as far as it would go, on his pinkie finger. The wedding ring, that is, that some demon was supposed to have taken to Heaven with him. Then he made obscene gestures at us, and I told him to go away. When he spoke, I heard nothing, but I understood his words through thought-transference and lip-reading. He said,
"You and me... What happened to us? I went up, but we've still got this mind connection."

Demonasty was with me at the time, acting as a protective friend. We were ignoring him as much as possible. I perceived her standing beside my chair, and patting me on the shoulder, although I didn't physically feel it.  She was saying,
"Yeah, I don't think that's your hot Jackson. I think that's just a joke-poster."
I was thinking,
"Well, I guess this is what it's come to. Communication is ruined now; because if I reach out to him, this asshole is going to show up and be mean."

Wrong-A placed his hands over his heart and said,
"I'm not gonna be mean to you. I'm gonna love you."
As we ignored him, he continued, pointing upwards,
"They can't believe you understood all that stuff. It's our mind connection. You and me, we're like this."
He made a gesture then of rapidly pointing back and forth between himself and me.
"I think you're gonna have to go up there. You can't stay down here with this mind connection. I've seen what Satan has planned for you."
He cringed as he said that last part. After a moment, he continued,
"When? I don't know. But I think that's what's going to happen."

He gestured writing with a pen in a book.
"Write," he said. Then, with a big smile on his face, he added,
"Hey, we're finally getting one published!"
I didn't answer, but he went on.
"We can go up or down, either way..."
Then he pointed up, pointed down, and shrugged his shoulders. I got the thought-transference,
"Up? Down? I don't know," but he didn't "say" that. Then he said,
"It's the only way we can talk now... if you don't know whether it's coming from up or down."
Then he gestured that he would be watching me shower, which I was about to go do.
I said,
"Go ahead. You'll only be frustrating yourself since you can't do anything about it."
Then I walked into the house, leaving the conversation, and him, floating in mid air.

Then my demons were talking shit about my body while I was undressing, shaving, and showering; something none of them had done since my initial possession.
I told them,
"What the fuck ever. You will never succeed in making me feel bad about anything."
On the way to work, they were still in a foul mood, and they were trying to convince me that this entire relationship was a sham. Wrong-A appeared again, shaking his head no, and gesturing,
"I love you."
I didn't respond, and his "holographic image" came at me like a monster, gnashing his teeth. Then my demons were howling threats at me in ominous voices, and in the sound of the wind coming in through my
truck window. They were saying,
"It's gonna be February 2021 all over again if you don't stop talking shit."
I said,
"Bring it bitches."