Love Notices (Saints & Haints, Chapter 16)

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On August 19, I got the tarot cards out again and asked A,
"Wanna play? If so, tell me something about anything --except the stupid Knight of Pentacles!"
Then I shuffled the deck, split it, and flipped it back together. I had learned that there was no need to cut the deck twice afterwards. If I simply shuffled it, split it, and flipped it, the correct cards would be on top and in order, and I would know how many cards to draw.

The first card from the top was the Knight of Pentacles. I sighed in exasperation and said,
"Really?"
But, I laid it down dutifully, and turned over the second card. It was the 4 of Cups. This card had come up several times in our previous readings, and the meaning we had assigned to it was "refusing a gift." I thought to myself,
"The Knight of Pentacles refused his gift..."
My interest was piqued, as I realized that I might finally be getting the second chapter of the story.

Using our shared symbolic language, along with thought-transference confirmation, this is what I got out of the other cards:
"...so a Divine intervention allowed A, who had been a sad and lonely guy, to become the Knight of Cups. Then an angel helped him communicate with me, so that he could offer me --and my children (meaning my pets)-- the world, because I am his world."

I smiled at this love note. It was reassuring, to me, that he really loved me like that, and that I had not been wrong about my previous interpretations. I was impressed with his use of the Temperance card to represent communication, and amazed by how easily he had communicated his meaning. Temperance, after all, means "moderation," but when I looked at the picture on that card, I saw the two cups with water flowing between them as tin can telephones; like those constructed by children, with a string attaching them. It had immediately made me think,
"Communication."
Then, considering the angel holding the cups, I'd amended that to,
"Angelic communication."
After a moment, the concept came to me that he was trying to tell me that an angel had helped him send me those visions.

After that, I put the rings on; both of them this time, the engagement ring and the wedding ring. I really couldn't have explained, at that time, why I felt that I needed to wear both of them, but I did. Sometime later, I realized that A was transmitting the idea to me that he already considered me his wife. Deciding that I couldn't really go around sporting those in public, however, at least not without being asked a lot of questions, I also selected a necklace from my jewelry box with his birthstone in the pendant. I decided that I would wear that in public, in place of the rings. I wanted to show him that I felt the same way. If he was watching over me and protecting me, then when he looked down here, I wanted him to see that show of solidarity.


Sunday, August 21st, 2022
(from my journal)

Yesterday I went to work for the first time after my unexpected vacation. I was feeling happy and carefree. My very first customer of the day, an older gentleman, asked me,
"Are you single?"
I was taken aback for a moment, simply because I wasn't expecting that question, not from him anyway. I replied,
"No. No, I'm not."
Then my demons whispered to me,
"Test! Test! That was him testing you!"

I had a really nice day at work, which is a miracle, in and of itself! My workplace, like many stores, plays pop music over the loud speakers. I usually don't pay attention to it; but on Saturday I kept sensing that I was having my attention drawn to the music. It would always be at a relevant part of the song; and I would suddenly start listening, almost against my will.

".... you tell me that you want me,
you tell me that you need me,
you tell me that you love me,
and I know that I'm right,
'cause I hear it in the night...
I hear the secrets that you keep,
when you're talking in your sleep..."

"Josie's on a vacation far away,
Come around and talk it over,
So many things that I wanna say,
You know I like my girls a little bit older..."

I knew that it was A doing this; not necessarily ordering the songs, but perhaps drawing my attention to the relevant parts. This happened more times than I can remember, but my favorite was:

"Oh, can't you see?
You belong to me.
How my poor heart aches,
with every breath you take.
Every move you make,
And every vow you break,
Every smile you fake,
Every claim you stake,
I'll be watching you."

I laughed and responded telepathically,
"Fine. Do it."

I knew then that, aside from having a bit of fun, he was answering one of my questions. The feeling that I was receiving messages through music was something I'd experienced in 2020. It was one of the things I had been wondering recently if he actually did, in an attempt to communicate with me back then. I understood that he was confirming that he had sent me musical messages before. I also took this playful form of communication as reassurance that the rest of my life would not be devoid of romance.

S was there at work; but he mysteriously (or maybe not-so-mysteriously) stayed out of my
sight. I didn't seek him out, and I didn't randomly bump into him either; not anywhere, not for the entire day, which does seem a little bit odd. Another coworker, a guy I've never talked to much at all, asked me,
"What does the necklace mean?"
I replied,
"It's just a birthstone."
Then he asked,
"Oh yeah? Your birthstone? What's your sign?"
Suspicious as to why he was so interested, I replied,
"Um... well, it's not my birthstone. It's the birthstone of someone who is dear to me. I'm an Aquarius."
After that conversation, my demons said,
"He's really testing your loyalty."
I laughed. They might have been right, but it didn't matter.
"He can test all he wants," I thought.

***

I had already assumed that I must have a spiritual team in the Heavens, but after those recent visions, I began to sense that A was sort of my primary guardian, or my protection agent. I started to feel that he was always watching over me, and that I kinda had him on speed dial. It felt wonderful.

I got off work in time to make it to the Saturday evening Mass. As I was driving to church, however, my demons started being nasty to me. They were saying things that don't actually upset me as much as they probably think they do, but upsetting me was definitely their intention. I sensed that they were pissed off because I'd had a nice day, because I was going to church, and, of course, because of my newly rekindled romance with A. They were saying things
like,
"Yeah... you'll grow old and die. You'll wither, and die while he's watching you. You have to die to be with him!"

I saw a brief vision then. It was only a flicker of a picture. I knew it was from A. It was an illustration of me, lying on the ground, with A kneeling beside me, kissing me. That's all I saw; but I definitely got a Sleeping Beauty vibe, and I knew exactly what it meant. It meant that, when I die, I'll simply fall asleep; and when I wake up, he'll be kissing me, just like Sleeping Beauty.
I was almost at the church by then. I smiled, and said,
"Aww. That's beautiful. Thank you."
My demons, momentarily distracted by the vision, said,
"Wow. That is quite an image. He's good. He loves you hardcore."
Then they went back to their torment; telling me that I'm ugly, and I'd better be glad that I
have a saintly lover, who loves me unconditionally, because no one else would want me. I pulled in and parked at the church, and as soon as I cut the engine off, I sensed that an "exorcism" began. How did I know, you might wonder? Well, because I'm used to this.

I'm certain that I've had many real exorcisms which I didn't request, but for which I am grateful. I have suspected that some have occurred while I was sleeping; because some nights I will sleep extra hard, and for an extra long time, as if I've been drugged, and then I will wake up to unusual peace and quiet, or to my demons acting as if they're distant and sickly.

I have also suspected, however, that demons sometimes fake being exorcised.

(Like they did with the "Mary Magdalene" visitation hoax.) Therefore, whether or not this exorcism was an act, I couldn't be entirely sure; but, since my demons were being exceptionally ugly to me, I had reason to believe that it might've been real. The "crickets" I hear almost constantly grew louder and the emotion behind the sound intensified. As the crickets got louder, the demons shut up. They went dead silent for a few minutes at least, which is rare. Then they blabbed a little bit, in weakened voices. They sounded as if their faces were melting as they were speaking.
"You're a beau... ti... ful wom.. an..." they said, very slowly, as if regurgitating the words.
I laughed, as I walked into the church.

The "exorcism" continued all throughout Mass. Having this sort of thing happen during church was new. The process has never hurt me; but I'm usually tired afterwards. I don't remember much about the liturgy at that Mass. I was feeling a little stressed about trying to act normal while all this was going on. My demons barely made a peep throughout the entire service, though.
When they began muttering again, it was a different, "fresh" one, one who had not been a part of the bullying that had transpired before church, who spoke. He said,
"Now that Biscuit's showing devotion, things ain't gonna be the same."
I understood that they were implying, at least, that they were being managed more strictly, and that it was A's doing; that it was because of our newly forged partnership.

I felt okay until I actually got home; but then I was super-tired and had to go straight to bed. I didn't fall asleep for a long time, despite being so exhausted, but when I finally did, I was definitely not bothered by demons.