Don't Let Satan Tell You Bedtime Stories (Saints & Haints, Chapter 17)

 Listen to audio

On August 21st, I noted in my journal that I kept thinking about hieroglyphics again, and about languages in general. I was sensing, again, that there's some rule or agreement in place, possibly to do with which spirit beings are allowed to talk to us.

While I was eating lunch, my thoughts drifted to the first ghost I ever saw clearly at my house. It was in the Spring of 2020, and he was more detailed than the shadow figures, transparent outlines, or clouds of white mist I'd seen previously. He was composed of white mist, yet I saw very clear features. He was a short, stocky guy with a shaved head. Although I saw him monochromatically, I would've guessed that he had red hair; he just looked like a redhead. He was wearing a bomber jacket with a fur-lined collar; I could see that very clearly. He was pacing back and forth, just beyond my back porch; and on one of his trips past me, he solidified enough to allow me to see him. He looked me in the eyes as he passed, while maintaining an expressionless face. It was no accident; he had wanted me to see him, and was aware that I had.
"We know him!" one of my demons exclaimed, having seen my replay of that encounter in my mind.
"If he's the first one you saw, then there might have been a rivalry over you."
I didn't ask them what they meant by that, but I assumed that they were implying that that  was not Johnny.

On August 22nd, my demons attacked me at work. They were yelling ugly things at me while I was trying to do my job. During that attack, I started doubting, at least a little bit, that A really loved me, and that he was even really A, and not just another imposter.

I went to the library after work that day. Again, as soon as I was parked safely, another "exorcism," or at least the experience I've been referring to, which is supposed to be one, began. Considering that I seemed to be undergoing a procedure, I decided to sit in the truck for a few minutes before walking into the library. I pulled up Instagram while I waited. The first meme to catch my attention was a photo of a woman's hand, resting upon a man's hand. She wore an engagement ring exactly like mine. The caption read,
"Better to wait long than marry wrong."
As soon as I saw that, I had a short vision; another quick flash of a picture. It was of a woman and a man whom I understood to be me and A. I was soaking leisurely in an antique claw foot bathtub, while he knelt beside the tub. One of my arms was extended towards him, and he was caressing it tenderly; kissing up and down its length.
I no longer doubted anything.


August 24th, 2022
(from my journal)

Yesterday, I kept hearing that line from "The Bad Touch," by Bloodhound Gang, in my head,
"Hieroglyphics, let me be specific..."

I had a bad day at work. My demons started their shit as soon as I was off; and another "exorcism" ensued.

As soon as I laid down to try to go to bed, at 11:45 pm, yet another "exorcism" started. I tried to sleep, and did a little bit. I was getting the message, as a concept, that my Heavenly spiritual team wanted me to sleep peacefully.
I dozed off to my demons saying,
"Yeah, that's a loving man right there. This one can't push demons around fast enough for you."
Then one said,
"He's gonna bruise your mouth with kisses when he gets his hands on you."

I woke up abruptly at 1:01 am. I had been having a definitely-demon-inspired dream about S. It was weird, even for a dream. We were lying on a big bed, with a lot of other people. We were all fully clothed; but S and I started holding hands and snuggling, and some foreplay ensued. He was just beginning to say something to me when I began to wake up. Once awake, I heard a demon speaking. The demon was very slowly and clearly repeating the same two filthy phrases to me, over and over. I understood that he was trying to get me to dream that S was saying those words; subliminal messaging, I suppose. I also understood that the entire point of making me have that dream had been to make A jealous, or to make me worry that he would be.

The "exorcism" was still going on; or at least I still sensed that same chaotic energy. Someone was touching me; poking at me, and punching my face with a ghostly fist.
I thought to myself,
"Well, instead of just lying here, maybe I should do something useful. But what?"
I keep a sage bundle in a glass jar on my night table. I lit it, and sat back, propped up in bed, holding it for a while. The demons did seem, at least, to run outside; but whether or not that was merely a trick is impossible to discern. Their voices became more distant, which can be a trick, but they stopped touching me, at least.

When the sage bundle had stopped smoldering on its own, I let the embers burn out and placed it safely back in the jar. I tried to sleep again, this time on my side. As soon as I closed my eyes, however, I felt something pushing against my backside, as if someone was having sex with me from behind. Twice I slapped at the area where the invisible pervert would've been. I heard a demon say,
"You mean she feels that?"
Another one replied,
"You bet your ass that bitch feels that!"
They didn't stop, so I reached under the mattress to retrieve the little plastic bottle of Holy water I still had stashed there; a remnant from 2021, when I frequently had a shaking mattress, and a demon in my mattress talking to me through my pillow. I sprinkled the area and told them to get the fuck out.

They ceased that particular assault, but then, when I had settled down to sleep once more, they told me a horrific bedtime story. They were sending me images of S, while a demon narrated,
"Yeah, it's a good thing you're never gonna have an Earthly relationship again, because actually that was not going to go as well as you thought it would. Every demon on the planet was gonna jump into that guy as soon as he got on top of you... and make him hurt you, and hurt you, and hurt you, until there was nothing left but a mess he'd have to bury out in the shed. We might have even convinced him to cut your uterus out and take it home with him. Why bother squawking at her? Just take that home with you, use it as a fleshlight..."

With that, they sent an animation of S; crazy-eyed, and with blood smeared across his face. He was standing amidst a bloody mess of human remains, with a dripping uterus in his hand; as if it were an apple, and he was about to take a bite of it.
The narrating demon went on, in a calm, casual tone of voice,
"Yeah... that wouldn't have been the best ending for him either...
in a mental institution...
muttering to himself, about how he'd killed the only woman who would ever have brought him happiness...
but he can still taste her uterus...."
After a pause, he said,
"You know... we could still do that.
We could still do that to him.
He's probably the most likely candidate.
We could do it to anybody...
Any man...
You'd better start carrying a knife with you..."

After that, I got up, and sat in bed for a while; knees drawn up against my chest, snuggling my pillow. I tried to communicate with A telepathically. I was actually a little concerned by that story; not that they'll do that, exactly; but just that this level of torment might be the new norm, maybe for the rest of my life. I was telling A,
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so much trouble..."
I was thinking that demons seem to have intensified their attacks since he revealed himself as my protector. But that had to have been expected. I'm feeling some sense of predetermination here; as if things were always going to get this bad, or this was always our destiny.

I finally went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette. Somehow, by then, it was after four o'clock in the morning. I seemed to have lost some time. I got the tarot cards out and asked A if he wanted to tell me something. He told me another beautiful story, about how he had been presented with many choices in the afterlife, but his choice had been to defend me. I said, after interpreting the cards,
"I don't think I deserve that, but I'll take it. I don't know why you'd choose me."
When I went to bed again, all was quiet.
I slept peacefully.