The Knight of Pentacles & The High Priestess (Saints & Haints, Chapter 9)

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"Once you are awake,
you shall remain awake eternally."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"I saw this quote, and it reminded me of something demons said to me once, while I was lost in thought, and staring at my Saint Michael medallion:
'Don't think that guy right there wouldn't pull the wool back over your eyes if he could. But it's too late for you. Your third eye is wide open. The only difference between you and us bitches now, is that you're still in your skin suit.'"

-from my makingfunofdemons social media,
August 4, 2022


For the purposes of keeping this account as chronological as possible, I will state that it was early July when S changed his relationship status. However, I skipped over a few noteworthy things which occurred in June.

I began to understand that I was receiving "downloads," as some people have described them. This is something I had read about before, and I'm certain that June was not the first time it had happened to me, but it was the first time I had recognized it as such.

In early June, I began hearing "the crickets" almost constantly. "The crickets" is a sound which doesn't quite exactly sound like crickets, but another medium once described it as "astral crickets," and I thought that was a fair comparison. It's sort of a staticky, white noise type of sound. Apparently a lot of mediums hear it. It's something that is almost a background noise; it's something you get used to, so you don't always listen to it. Plus, we, by necessity, grow accustomed to shutting out a lot of noise. I noticed in early June, however, that if I did listen, it was usually there all the time, whereas previously, it had only been there some of the time.

Additionally, I noticed that when I would wake in the mornings, my demons, who are constantly around me, would seem weak, distant, or sickly, like they always did after an exorcism. I suspected that I had been getting unrequested exorcisms from my angels while I slept, and I was grateful. One medium acquaintance of mine told me that she suspected that the crickets sound was coming from my Heavenly spiritual team. I started to think that she may have been exactly right. I still don't know exactly what it is, but if I had to guess, I'd guess that it's energy. It gets louder sometimes; and as weird as it may seem, the volume tends to correlate with emotion. As in, I feel that it gets louder when someone in the spirit world is interested in what I'm doing, excited about something, or trying to get my attention.

Around the middle of June, I "just happened to run across" some posts from psychics and tarot card readers on Instagram. This was on the explore feature, so it's not all that strange, I suppose, that anything might pop up; but just for the record, this was on my personal account, which has nothing to do with being a psychic or a medium, and I had never followed any tarot reader's or psychic medium's accounts. I felt drawn to look at those posts. I had already made the determination that all information received from divination techniques was either phony or coming from demons. Still, I felt that someone had been trying for a long time to send me messages through pictures on the internet, so I figured, why not take a closer look at these readings? Maybe there was something there I was supposed to see.

I never purchased a personal reading, nor requested one. Actually, I never even interacted with any of these tarot readers. I simply followed their accounts. There are numerous tarot readers on Instagram these days who do a generalized reading every day and post a video of it. These general readings are supposed to be for anyone with whom the message resonates. These are the types of posts I was looking at. What was strange about the posts I began to view, was that they, like the memes, seemed eerily accurate for my situation. I realize that they're designed to do just that, but still, they were oddly specific.

To summarize my previous opinions, I used to play around with tarot cards, back when I was an Agnostic teenager and young adult. I thought that I was not too bad at reading the cards; I always seemed to come up with something relevant. I always assumed that was all there was to tarot reading; looking at the cards, and then piecing together an interpretation, based upon either the assigned meanings for the cards, or the symbolism in the images. I acknowledged that intuition might guide one to construct an accurate story; but I suppose I would have credited that intuition to some inner wisdom, as opposed to an outside source. I also assumed that tarot readers shuffled the deck, and then used that inner wisdom to select the correct cards.

Seeing as how some of those Instagram readers seemed to be consistently, eerily, accurate, in July, I re-bought the classic Rider-Waite deck, the very first deck I'd ever picked up, in a head shop, in 1995. I had thrown that old deck away in 2021. I also purchased the Heaven & Earth deck by Jack Sephiroth, mostly because I admired the artwork.

I do advise against divination in general.

I'm discovering, however, that the spirit world communicates with us in countless ways, and if they want to tell us something, they will; whether or not we use tools, and whether or not we actually try to divine anything. They'll call us; we don't have to call them.

I'd already realized that many methods of divination, such as ouija boards and pendulums, just might attract demons. Those tools need to be physically touched by an outside force in order for them to move, in order for the process to work; and who's here to physically push the planchette around a ouija board or swing a pendulum? Demons!
Tarot cards, however, I had filed under the category "phony." I had decided that they were nothing more than a game of solitaire, during which we tell ourselves stories about pictures. They seemed harmless enough to try again, and I wanted to try them again, as research, this time.

The majority of the seemingly accurate readings I was finding online were, of course, from my perspective, about S. Some of those tarot readers were really nailing it, it seemed to me, in relation to that situation. I decided to follow five readers, the ones I'd deemed most accurate, and make daily notes about their posts, charting their hits, misses, and oddly specific tidbits, as I saw them, regarding my situation.

Over the next few weeks, while I was documenting my observations, several of my selected readers made predictions like,
"He's jealous,"
"He's stalking you,"
"There's a third party involved,"
Or,
"Someone got scared and walked away."  These revelations, while entirely accurate in my situation, were things I'd expect to hear from a tarot reading about love; and they're all about love, aren't they? I was surprised, however, when two of the five gave out the exact date of S's birthday, which was forthcoming, as a day which would be significant.

I decided also to look back, and see what these readers had posted on the days that had already been significant for us, like the day I found out about his promotion, and the day I found out about his new relationship. Four of the five, on one of those two days, had posted something like,
"There was an ending here,"
"A cycle came to a close,"
Or,
"There was a fight or a break up."
"A tower moment" is what they called it. It means that a life-altering moment has occurred, or some life-altering decision was made, or basically, that something came crashing down.
Pretty accurate. 

One of them said, in her daily video,
"This man has a neck tattoo,"
...which he does.
Another said,
"This man has an old school style,"
which is not as oddly specific, but still, he does; and that's exactly what I thought when I first met him. It is worth noting that neither of those details are things that even could be derived from tarot cards. I began to see that they were getting additional information from some other source. Strangely, a few of my selected readers began to predict things like,
"Yes, this person has feelings for you, but guess what? Someone else is coming in to make you an offer, and this is going to be completely out of the blue! You are definitely not expecting this!"
I remember thinking,
"Ha! Who?"

There was a really ominous one that caught my attention one day, but it was not a post from one of my selected readers, it was something I ran across on the explore page. This tarot reader proclaimed,
"This person you love has taken bad advice; both from other people, and from demons. They told him that you were no good, and that you would destroy his heart."
It had occurred to me that S might be affected by demons, with his bipolar actions and all. I prayed for him daily for a long time, for that reason; I prayed for him to be free from any negative influences, free to make his own choices. That's all I did; but quite honestly, that's enough. That's an exorcism right there, as much as any human can perform one.

I noticed in the readings by my selected readers, that S, or the man in question, seemed to always be represented by Pentacles. He was usually the Knight, but occasionally he would be the Page. I understood, somehow, that he was represented by the Page when he was acting immaturely, because the Page would normally be thought of as a younger person; but he could be represented by the Knight in most situations. The tarot readers didn't provide that explanation, though; I just began to see it for myself, to see that there was some sort of code being used. In fact, I began to perceive messages from their tarot spreads, as I watched the videos, which were nothing like their interpretations; yet I knew that the way I was reading it was right... for me, anyway. I wasn't sure yet quite exactly how I knew this, but I did.

Another thing I learned about during this experiment, through the posts of some tarot readers, is the concept of "Divine Masculines and Divine Feminines." This is creepy. The posts about "DMs and DFs" usually did not include tarot readings; indicating that those messages must have been divined directly from a psychic connection to some external source, without the use of any tools. The concept behind DMs and DFs seems to be that there is a "collective" of men and women, who are each other's twin flames or soulmates, who are all going through the same trials and tribulations at the same time, in their journey towards eventually being together. Which kind of implies that there's a divine plan of some sort... but it's the same one for everybody? Or for a lot of people anyway?
I found that idea terrifying! I didn't believe it.  Still, some of those posts also declared that there had been a break up on one or the other of those days which had been significant for me and S.
I thought,
"How can this be?! Every couple in the world did not break up that day! Nor that other day either! What the hell is going on??!!" 
So, perhaps you can see why I had to try reading tarot cards again for myself.
It's very difficult to explain what happened when I did.

I never used the little booklet that tells you what the cards are supposed to mean, nor did I have the meanings of the cards memorized, with the exception of The Tower, that is, and a few of the more obvious ones. The first time I tried, before beginning, I attempted to ensure my safety in this pursuit by directing my question to,
"My saints and angels," and asking them, "What can you tell me about S?"
Then I shuffled the cards, split the deck, flipped the two halves of the deck back into one, cut it twice, restacked it as I felt inclined to, and then drew from the top. I didn't do a specific layout, nor did I draw a predetermined number of cards. I stopped drawing cards when I felt that the story had ended.

I noticed very quickly that there was some actual magic going on. It was almost scary. I did my own reading nearly every day for the next few weeks, always asking "my angels and saints" for guidance, and then shuffling the deck thoroughly. All the readings were very similar; there were only ever slight variations, and the same cards came up over and over again. In my readings, S was, as ever, represented by Pentacles. He was usually the Knight, sometimes the Page, and sometimes he was even the King. He was only the King, however, when the reading referred to what could be, in the future.
And I understood that.
I just... automatically understood it.

But, there was more. I was given the understanding that in my readings, Swords represented the other woman, while Cups represented S's family, so his mother was The Queen of Cups, and so on. The suit of Wands, in my readings, represented his emotions. I was usually represented by the High Priestess, except for when the future was being referenced. Then, usually, I would be the Queen of Pentacles. Occasionally I was the 9 of Pentacles, the serene-looking woman with a bird. I felt that the 9 represented a midway point in my journey; something like engagement as opposed to marriage. In summary, all the readings seemed to be saying,
"It will happen, but right now, he's messed up with that other woman, fighting his feelings, and having family problems... so, don't worry, just keep doing you, High Priestess!"
It was shocking to me how easily I was picking up on the encrypted messages, such as the code behind what each suit represented, and things of that nature. What was even more amazing, however, was that it was clear that someone else besides me,

some very real, intelligent being, was stacking the deck.

I began to realize that the reason I had automatically understood this way of reading the cards was through a process I now call "thought-transference." Whomever was shuffling the cards was telling me what the cards meant.
I realized that this is what clairsentience, claircognizance, and all those epiphanies and "Ah ha!" moments actually are; they are not us tapping into some internal wisdom, they are messages being sent to us from spirit beings.

Whomever it was, would only ever tell me that one story, though. Even when I tried to ask another question, like,
"Can you give me some career advice?"
Or,
"Tell me anything,"
I'd still get that same story about the Knight of Pentacles and the High Priestess, and how they are destined, but right now there are problems. I wondered who was doing this, but I had no doubt that it was a benevolent being. It's tricky to explain why I was so certain about that. There are times when we have to rely on our gut instinct. There are also times when all else has failed, and deductive reasoning is the only tool that remains. Personally, I tend to always question motive. Therefore, I was entirely certain that someone in the spirit world was telling me that S was still the man for me; and, as I couldn't think of any reason why the two of us either getting together or not, would be either beneficial or detrimental for anyone else, I couldn't think of any reason why anyone would tell me that, unless it was the truth.

Additionally, I did know at least a little bit about the types of beings I could've been dealing with, and I was certain that my demons couldn't have been the ones shuffling the deck. They are exactly how you'd imagine ghosts to be. They can make themselves solid enough to touch objects, or us, but they're still a bit "fluid," even in their most solidified state. They kind of go through us a little bit when they touch us. I didn't think that they could do something which required as much fine-motor skill as shuffling a deck of cards, even if I left the cards lying on the table; and they definitely couldn't do it while the cards were in my hands and I was also shuffling them. It was clear that what was going on with this card shuffling required real magic; magic that I didn't think they possessed. Besides, they too were fascinated by the process, and seemed honestly impressed. They liked that I was represented by the High Priestess, as did I. Every time I saw that card, it put a smile on my face. One night, while watching me do a reading, they commented, enthusiastically,
"You're high as hell if you think you're not the High Priestess!"

So, if it wasn't my demons doing it, then who did that leave? Well, that I knew of, that only left Heavenly beings, and the "real" demons, the aristocrats. I wasn't sure if the real demons, could even do it, though; and if they could, I thought they'd tell me some mean, spiteful story. The fact that I was only ever told the same story gave rise to a sneaking suspicion that perhaps that was the only story this person was allowed to tell me.

I also felt, empathically, that whomever was ordering the cards for me was someone with a playful energy. I sensed amusement; as if it tickled them to do this for me and then watch me be all amazed. About the second or third time I did a reading, as I shuffled the cards, I sensed an emotion almost like,
"Watch this! She's about to freak out!"
It wasn't that it felt parental at all; but still, something about that energy I was picking up reminded me of parents watching little kids on Christmas morning, or how I would imagine that would feel anyway. You know, when they're still young enough to believe in Santa Claus and they are so astonished that he really brought all those presents!
"He came down the chimney, just like they said he would! And look, the cookies are gone too!"
It was sort of like that; like they enjoyed watching me witness this magic firsthand, for the first time.

I also sometimes sensed a bit of exasperation, like a heavy sigh; sort of like what a parent might feel when a child keeps asking to hear the same story over and over. Still, whomever I was communicating with would lovingly relent, and tell it to me again. Furthermore, I understood that whomever I was communicating with clearly desired that communication too; enough to teach me this method, this codex which was unique to us. It was not the way most people would interpret tarot cards, but it was our way. It was our own language.

At the same time, however, I knew that just because a spirit is friendly-seeming, and has a desire to communicate, doesn't necessarily mean they're a saint. After all, I had theorized that the reason I developed telepathy in the first place was because a demon wanted to communicate with me. I knew that, but, this communication with the cards seemed far too magical and benevolent for me to suspect that there was any ill intention behind it.


Meanwhile, here in the material world, during that time, my six weeks of limbo, I have to say that S didn't appear to be very happy with his new situation. He looked at me sadly, or longingly, if he looked at me at all. He was certainly not strutting around with a huge grin on his face, as a man should, if he's recently made things official with the woman of his dreams. He wasn't cocky anymore. He wasn't even a raging lunatic. I heard from coworkers that he was changing his schedule around and making it so that he always worked in his department alone. Sometimes he'd disappear for long periods of time, and no one could find him. I left him alone, but I held out some hope, completely, at that point, because of the signs and wonders I was seeing.