Something I Didn't Know I Wanted (Saints & Haints, Chapter 4)

 

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Synchronicity

I started experiencing something in 2021 actually, that I hesitated to write about, because I wasn't sure about it yet. I wanted to be completely certain that it wasn't only my imagination. "Angel numbers" or "Synchronicity" are what New Agers would call it. "Delusions of reference" or "magical thinking" are what doctors would call it. It's when you look at the clock randomly, and see 11:11, 12:12, 1:11, or some other sequential number. You're not watching the clock, but you just randomly, throughout the day, wonder what time it is, and every time you glance at the clock it's 2:22 or 3:33; or your snack purchase at lunch ends up costing exactly $4.44. That's what I'm talking about. During the latter portion of last year, I began seeing these numerical synchronicities quite often.

I'd heard about this kind of thing, but I didn't really believe in it. It seems so illogical. It's something that a skeptic, which I am, in truth, could easily brush aside, because it seems, at first, like mere coincidence.
"Oh, surely I just happened to glance at the clock at those times. Surely it doesn't mean anything..."
When it happens all the time, however, repeatedly, even a skeptic begins to wonder,
"I keep glancing at the clock at these precise synchronous times... every hour of the day, almost... every day... when I have never noticed anything like this before... But that doesn't mean anything, does it?"
I finally had to admit to myself that there's something to it. I'd have that feeling, that moment of epiphany, whenever it happened. I'd have that sense that this was something significant; claircognizance, or clairsentience, or whatever term would apply. I absolutely think these occurrences are evidence of the spirit world's influence. They're a "Made you look!" sort of thing.

I've even noticed this on clocks that are wrong. For example, the clock in my truck, and the clock on my stove at home, have always been wrong. It's not an even hour that they're off, either, as it would be if I'd simply forgotten daylight savings time; they're really wrong, because I've just never bothered to set them. I recall an evening, in 2021, when I'd had a bad attack from demons just as I was getting ready to leave the house. I had, of course, said prayers for the protection of my home and pets before walking out the door. It was seven-something p.m, but when I cranked the truck, the clock flashed 11:11 AM. It seemed to mean something. I had this feeling, as if someone was using that as a symbol to tell me,
"Got you covered."


Our Social Networks

Another thing that seems really farfetched, and that also began late in the year, in 2021, is that I began to sense that someone was communicating with me through random social media posts. I know exactly how that sounds, and, trust me, at the time, it was difficult for me to explain, even to myself. The one example I have written about previously was in reference to the feeling I had, that I had received comforting messages from Saint Pope John Paul II, through seemingly random memes, posted by random people, which featured quotes from him. Well, this happened on several other occasions, and with several different saints. 

For example, in 2021, I wrote about the events of the day my dog, Daisy, passed away, and about believing that an angel visited my house at that time. Shortly after that, I asked, in prayer, for confirmation that I was right about that, and to know if that visitor had been my guardian angel. Well, Saint Francis of Assisi was already one of the Saints to whom I regularly prayed, and a day or so after asking that question, I ran across a meme on Instagram which featured a quote from him. The image accompanying the meme was a medieval painting of a semi-transparent angel standing over a person who was kneeling in prayer. At the time, I thought,
"Hmm. Odd, sorta. Is that my answer?"
Because, you see, I'd been drawn to that particular meme. It had caught my attention, as if someone had made me look at it. It's like, you're randomly scrolling, not really paying attention, nothing is looking interesting, and suddenly it feels as if someone's saying,
"Stop! Right there. That one. Look at that one."
Was it true? Was it possible? I wasn't sure anymore if those messages were really from John Paul or Francis, but I definitely felt that they were messages. I could feel the influence. Someone had guided me to look at them.

The White Wolf

It continued to happen, that feeling of claircognizance when I'd "stumble upon" certain posts on social media. It seemed that often, a question I'd asked in prayer would be answered within a few days, in that manner. One symbol I began to see regularly was an image of a white wolf. Of course these images, found on social media, were artistic works, or random photos taken by various people, of some white wolf; but the significance they held for me was that I understood that they were all meant to represent the same white wolf, one I actually know.

When I was 15, my parents bought a puppy; a white wolf/husky mix. I went with them to pick her out. There were two female pups available, both solid white, both beautiful and sweet; one with two brown eyes, and the other with one brown eye and one blue. My parents said to me,
"You choose."
I chose the little mix-eyed lass. I was afraid that what I saw as beautiful uniqueness, someone else might see as a deficiency. I was afraid that her chances of getting a home might not be quite as good as her sister's, so I pointed her out, and said,
"That one. We're taking that one."
We named her "Duchess." She was a beloved part of our family for 16 years.

During my Daisy's last days here with me, late in the Summer of 2021, I took her to the river often, because she loved to wade in it. One day she stood still and just stared down the river, as if soaking in the view. I sensed that she understood that she might not get to see it again. I asked God then, tearfully,
"Are there rivers in Heaven?"
The next day, I was drawn to a post on social media; a photo of a white wolf, chest-deep in a river. She looked up at the camera sweetly, as if to say,
"Of course."

The one that really stabbed me in the heart, though, was this one. Less than an hour before Daisy passed, I took a smoke break, and quickly checked my messages. While doing so, I happened to notice a post; a picture of a white wolf, lying on her belly, her head bowed reverently. She was clutching a red rose between her front paws. The moment I saw it, the thought came to me,
"Condolences,"
Then I thought,
"Shit..."

The very day that I published my first book, which is entitled The Raven and the Rain Dance, a post popped up on my feed; a painting of a Native American man, hunched forward, dancing with a white wolf. The wolf was standing on her hind legs, her front paws in the air, looking joyful. The thought that came to me upon seeing that one was,
"Celebration in the Heavens."
Do you see what I mean? They're not just any pictures, they're oddly specific pictures.

While I no longer doubted the phenomenon, I still wondered, at the time, how it could be possible. I already suspected that saints and angels could influence us just like demons can, so it was no real surprise to think that either party could influence someone to post a certain picture on a certain day. My question was, could they also make sure that the picture ended up on my newsfeed? Even though I had figured out that someone was making me notice these things, could they really ensure that the intended picture would end up in the right place, at exactly the right time? I had to wonder, were they magical? That magical? Magical enough to alter the algorithms used by social media platforms?

By the way, it was 4:44 am when I began writing this section. I laughed, and took a screenshot; my 444th screenshot.


Terms and Conditions

So, I had been convinced for a while that this stuff with social media was real; and that I had been receiving messages in that way. Regarding S, as soon as I finally decided that maybe I'm not that hard of a sell, and that maybe I should go after him, I started getting confirmations everywhere, it seemed, through number sequences and pictures. I decided to send him a friend request one night. I randomly noticed the time, immediately after I'd sent the request; it was 10:10 pm.

The first message I typed to him was a Victorian marriage proposal. I didn't know anything about him yet, and I thought it would be a fun way to break the ice. I composed a message, doing my best Jane Austen impression, describing how,
"While I do have my own house and lands, as well as a modest income, I find your countenance rather pleasing to behold, and as we all know, women must marry...." etc., etc.
I couldn't convince myself to send it though. I deleted it, and simply typed,
"Hey, how are you?" chiding myself all the while for being chicken shit.
After our first inbox conversation, my social media feeds were suddenly flooded with memes depicting weddings and engagement rings, with quotes about romance and soulmates.
"He's the one for you!" is what they all seemed to be saying.

Now, yes, obviously, it was Spring. It was wedding season, and I did think of that. Here's what would happen, though, and I swear, I think that whomever was sending the messages did it because they knew I was skeptical, in spite of everything I'd witnessed. They'd ensure that the same thing, the same picture or whatever it was, showed up multiple times, and in multiple places. The same message would be posted by different, unconnected people (as in, pages I follow --or don't even follow-- not people I actually know). The messages would appear on different memes, in conjunction with different photos, and I be compelled to look at all of them. Sometimes there would even be something that caught my attention about the name of the poster or meme designer; for example, their username would be something like "The Green-Eyed Mystic," something that in some way described me or resonated with me. Other times, I'd notice the meme at a synchronous time.

So, just to be clear, if you've never experienced this sort of thing, what I'm saying is, I didn't simply see a bunch of wedding pictures, all throughout the Spring. It was more like, within a few days' time, I saw dozens of wedding pictures, of different couples, posted by different people whom I don't know personally, and they all read, "He's the one!" or "You're soulmates!" or something very similar. Plus, each time I'd see one of these, it would be accompanied by that feeling of knowing; and often by a synchronous number, or some other sign. Therefore, I felt that someone was telling me that pursuing S was the right course of action.

During this time, around the middle of April, I kept thinking about my birthday proclamation,
"There's nothing to wish for."
I felt as if I was being reminded of it. It seemed as if someone didn't think I should have felt that way; and that if I didn't think there was anything I wanted, well, they'd just have to prove me wrong.

I recall a night when I'd been feeling exceptionally down and out, but after chatting with S, I felt much better. Once our conversation had ended, a demon said to me,
"Sometimes you don't know how sick you are until you get the right medicine."