Schizophrenia is an ability, not a disorder!

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December 27th, 2021


The Greek root of the word devil means "those which put thoughts into your mind."


When I was a child of about seven, I started clearing my throat repeatedly. My concerned parents took me to the pediatrician, who must have been having an all day brain fart, because he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. This specialist ran all sorts of tests on me, only to reach one of the absolute dumbest, asstardest conclusions that any human on this planet has ever reached:

That it was psychological.

Yes. We got a second opinion, and found that, for some reason, all of these grown people, with medical degrees and diagnostic technology, had failed to discover that I had allergies and a sinus infection; and that the sinus drainage running down my throat was the cause behind this new behavior of repetitive throat clearing. I would have told them myself; but I didn't know how to articulate the problem at seven years old. I didn't have a clue what sinuses were; I only knew that something felt icky and that whatever I was doing made it feel better. I don't know how exactly they failed to discover the infection, but that's beside the point. The point is that lame ass conclusion. I just started clearing my throat, for no reason? Like, because it's fun, or something? I suppose they felt obligated to provide some kind of answer, and they didn't have a better one. I wish that this was an inordinately stupid example; but, unfortunately, in my life, just about all the answers I've ever been given by doctors have been somewhere right around that level of intelligence. I realize that I've been a little hard, perhaps, on the field of psychology, but crap like that is exactly why.

Here's another gem of wisdom for you, courtesy of psychology; so get ready to be amazed. If your head feels heavier after you read this, it'll be because of all that smart:

(As described by psychologists), Schizophrenia is a condition where normal people suddenly, one day, out-of-the-blue, and for no reason whatsoever, start imagining voices talking to them in their heads and, for some odd reason, think the voices are real. Since there's no scientific explanation for these voices, it must be assumed that these people have simply developed major psychosis, overnight, for no reason at all; so they'll need to be labeled mentally deficient and prescribed mind-numbing drugs.

Because, sure, that's logical. This is the problem with psychology; anything that doesn't have a scientific explanation gets chalked up to it. Such experts as these, when they're not misdiagnosing sinus infections, explain the stigmata received by some of the Saints as "religious fervor."

Yeah. They were so religious it made holes in their hands and feet. That's... um... that's real religious, for sure and certain.

This is the problem with psychology.

That said, you've probably noticed that I actually sort of enjoy some aspects of psychology, such as the parts pertaining to cognition, education, and emotional responses; and that I'm a bit of a natural psychoanalyst. So, fine. I'll repent; a little bit. Psychology is not completely useless. Nor are all bicyclists necessarily for Satan. Yes, I've realized that I probably shouldn't have been so honest about that one, too.
There. Happy?
Still, in all seriousness, Schizophrenia is long overdue for a reevaluation.


First of all, Schizophrenia is referred to as a "disorder." Change that to "ability;" the ability to hear demons. Or change it to "curse" for all I care, but it's not a disorder. I will admit that I never thought much about Schizophrenia until I started hearing voices myself; but now that I do, I don't know why I never questioned the "it's all imaginary" explanation. No one is going to make this shit up for no reason. It's not like it's fun or something.

Interestingly, the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) actually wouldn't recommend a diagnosis of Schizophrenia for me, simply because I'm as functional as I ever was; but that functionality is the direct result of my understanding of what is really going on here, and my taking control of the situation. Nor, by those guidelines, would I be diagnosed with any of the associated disorders, because my symptoms have been neither short-lived nor paired with a mood disorder.

I'm focusing on Schizophrenia here, because I believe it to be the first condition that comes to mind whenever someone mentions hearing voices. It's noteworthy, however, that Schizophrenia is not the only psychological "disorder" in which this phenomena is reported; and also that Schizophrenia shares some interesting similarities with Autism.

To help me break this down, I busted out one of my old textbooks, Abnormal Psychology, 17th Edition, by Jill M. Hooley, James N. Butcher, Matthew K. Nock, and Susan Mineka. Here are some points, with my counterpoints listed beneath, from that work. This is going to be scathing; and it's not the fault of those authors. Four years ago, I thought it was an excellent textbook. That said, I'm not here to be nice; I'm here to advocate for voice-hearers.

On the very first page of the chapter about Schizophrenia is a case study in which we read:

"His spontaneous speech is often incoherent and marked by
frequent rhyming and clang associations (where sounds, rather than
meaningful relationships, govern word choice)."

• Frequent Rhyming. Clever wordplay.  Sounds familiar. My demons have reminded me of Dr. Seuss, after all.

One of the earliest descriptions of the characteristics of a Schizophrenic, includes the detail that he "feels his body is being influenced."

• Because it is.

The average lifetime risk of developing Schizophrenia is around 0.7% or 1 out of every 140.

• Well, actually, it's higher than that, because not all of us go to the doctor. Some of us are soothsayers, Catholic Saints, and blog post ministers.

...but this rate is higher (about 10%) if one of your parents had it. (Although, only 11% of Schizophrenics actually have a first or second degree relative with the condition.)

• Because psychic ability might be a heritable trait, or it might be that a "family demon" has latched onto the next generation, or, both. (See "Paranormal Experiences Before This, Case Study)

People whose fathers were older (50 years or more) at the time of their birth have 2 to 3 times the normal risk of developing schizophrenia when they grow up.

• Probably because about the time they grew up, their Father died, and demons prey on the grieving. (See "Paranormal Experiences Before This, Case Study)

More men than women develop Schizophrenia; for every three men who develop the disorder, only two women do.

• I doubt it. I think that men are probably more likely to go to the doctor about it; while women are more likely to believe it's a friendly spirit guide and become professional psychics and mediums.

"People with delusions believe things that others who share their social, religious, and cultural backgrounds do not believe."

• Yeah. Maybe because they actually know something those other people don't. I wonder if whomever wrote that definition is familiar with the definition of narcissism? Or if they've thought about how, by that definition, pretty much any liberal idea is considered delusional in the South?

More than 90% of people with Schizophrenia have delusions, including the beliefs that one's thoughts, feelings, or actions are being controlled by external agents, that one's private thoughts are being broadcast indiscriminately to others, that thoughts are being inserted into one's brain by external agents, or that some external agent has robbed one of one's thoughts.

• Because THEY ARE! THEY ARE! THEY ARE! And THEY HAVE! IT'S DEMONS!

Auditory hallucinations are found in 75% of patients with Schizophrenia. A hallucination is a sensory experience that seems real to the person having it, but occurs in the absence of any external perceptual stimulus.

• Then there is no such thing as a hallucination. Just because whoever wrote that definition isn't capable of perceiving that stimulus doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Blind people don't go around assuming that all the colorful things described by sighted people are hallucinations, simply because they themselves can't perceive them. This is exactly like that.

[In a study] Hallucinated voices were often those of people known to the patient in real life although sometimes unfamiliar voices were heard...

• Because demons can mimic any voice.

....or the voices of God or the Devil.

• Been there, done that. Demons.

Their hallucinations were worse when they were alone.

• Because when they're in public, the demon either eavesdrops on their conversations, checks out other people, or meets up with other demons.

Most commonly, the hallucinated voices were rude, vulgar, critical, bossy, or abusive...

• Because they're demons.

...although some were pleasant and supportive.

• Because demons play tricks.

Neuroimaging shows a reduction in brain volume in the auditory and speech perception areas, which scientists theorize may cause failure to correctly identify internally generated speech.

• Nope. Back to the drawing board. Most of us know for a fact that this is not our internal dialogue, which is why we say that it is not. Others, however, do lack the ability to make that discernment for some reason, so that explanation may be applicable in describing their confusion. Still, the fact remains that these voices are not our internal dialogues. This is internally generated speech, in the sense that it is generated by the demons in us, perhaps; but that's the only way to make that statement truthful. This is just another example of scientists being unable to admit that they don't have an answer.

Anhedonia, or diminished ability to experience pleasure is a symptom.

• Admittedly, life is a lot less fun with demons screaming at you. Also, finding out that we are merely "cute suits," trapped in a demonic realm, really kinda does suck the joy out of living.

The text mentions several negative symptoms which I really can't comment on because I am so functional. But, here's something:

On a test for measuring psychosis-proneness, these things are considered magical ideation:
1. Things seem to be in different places when I get home, even though no one has been there.
2. I have sometimes felt that strangers were reading my mind.

• Well, that could be; and demons are. (Magical Ideation is defined as the belief that unrelated events are causally connected despite the absence of any plausible causal link between them, particularly as a result of supernatural effects. Also referred to as magical thinking or superstitious thinking.) This basically means that, according to psychology, it's crazy to be religious. Of course, they're really careful not to spell that out, per se. They wouldn't want to piss anyone off; but that's exactly what they're saying. And now the Church is sending people who ask for exorcisms to psychologists if they hear voices. What are we supposed to do when both the Christians and the Atheists treat us like shit?

The label "Attenuated Psychosis Syndrome" is used to classify people who exhibit mild psychotic symptoms not severe enough to warrant the diagnosis of a full-blown psychotic disorder, and who are seeking treatment. Patients in this category have reported losing control over the content of their thoughts...

• Because demons take the wheel, driving your train of thought to where they want it to go.

...having ideas of being regarded in a negative way by others...

• Because demons constantly tell us that so-and-so thinks something bad about us.

...and hearing sounds such as buzzing, hissing, knocking, or footsteps.

• Because demons play sound effects. These people may not be recognizing that the negative thoughts they're having are actually being inserted into their minds; but they can't deny hearing those sound effects. Sound effects are easier to discern, and easier to accept.

The presence of such experiences suggests that someone could be at risk for developing full-blown psychosis at a later point.

• They're accidentally learning to use their extra sensory perception at this point, and yes, one day they may figure it out completely. So, yes, this assessment is not wrong, but it's the wrong perspective.

People with Schizophrenia perform much worse (almost a standard deviation worse) than healthy controls on a wide range of neuropsychological tests [which include I.Q. tests, but also other things]. All aspects of cognition, including attention, language, and memory, are impaired.

• This voice hearer will kick your ass all over a neuropsychological test. Bring it.

Some Schizophrenics perform normally in these areas [there's no mention of any performing above average] but even they are probably showing significant declines from what they once were. Independent research suggests that having a lower I.Q. may be a risk factor for developing Schizophrenia.

• No, if anything, those with lower I.Q.s are more likely to go to the doctor. They might also be the ones who are more easily influenced; by doctors, into believing that they made this stuff up themselves, and by demons into believing all the stupid things demons tell us.

Second-generation anti-psychotic medications are not as effective as had  been initially hoped. They also appear to be associated with some very undesired changes (such as tissue loss) in the brain. When used long term, they may even perpetuate psychosis.

• My guess is that this, rather than the condition itself, is responsible for the stereotype of what most long-term sufferers are thought to be like; that they are very mentally deficient and childlike. Also, these medicines make you sleepy and fat, and they're aren't too many people who need to be any more of either of those things; I know I definitely don't. Later in the text, a study is referenced which showed brain tissue increase in first-episode Schizophrenics, who had not been treated with medication yet, when compared with a control group. This is why we always see commercials on TV for some fabulous new drug, which portray happy, active people, smiling, and out living a great life! Then, a few years later, we see commercials from law firms representing all the people whose lives have now been ruined by that super fabulous new drug. Don't take medicine! Also --in spite of this information, about second-generation anti-psychotic drugs causing brain damage-- this text STILL goes on to explain, oh, but the drugs help people, though. Oh, there's overwhelming evidence that they do. Oh, and the sooner the patient starts taking them, the better.

• Excuse me, I have to go vomit.





• Okay, I'm back.

15 to 25 years after the onset of Schizophrenia, about 38% of patients have recovered.

• The demon moved on to someone younger. It's not much fun for them to hang around with (in) old people; and they've probably already succeeded in ruining that person's life by then. Additionally, as referenced in this text in a case study, but also in multiple other sources, there are cases of spontaneous recovery in Schizophrenia. Another psychologist, not cited in this text, writes that there's about a 20-33% chance that Schizophrenia symptoms will go away on their own. So, are we to assume then, that those people, one day, after all those years, decided to stop making up voices in their heads for no reason? No! Their demons left them! They found someone else, just like these demons found me and Stephanie at Aunt Nell's. I really wouldn't be surprised at all to learn that one of Aunt Nell's neighbors had a spontaneous recovery, or suddenly found that their house was no longer haunted, after that week.

About 12% of people with Schizophrenia commit suicide; and even if they don't, their life expectancy is shortened by an average of about 15 years.

• They're much happier now. A 15-year sentence reduction is not enough for me, either; I pray for my life to be further shortened. This will be the thing, out of everything I've said, that will be quoted as proof that I'm crazy, and I realize that; but it's actually a lot saner than it sounds. From most people's perspectives, kind-hearted (or at least well-intentioned) doctors try their best to prolong the lives of these poor Schizophrenics, even though the drugs aren't perfect, because no one wants to die, right? But, actually, Christians should want to die, even if they don't know everything that I know. From my perspective, this is a hell hole where we're nothing more than cute suits for demons; and I have the additional curse of having them scream at me 24/7. The demon-screaming might possibly be suppressed if I take a drug; but that drug is going to make me fat, sleepy, and brain-damaged, and then make me live longer that way. That's exactly what demons would want. No, thanks. I'll go on and be with my babies in Heaven any day. I think that some Christians see this life, here on Earth, as a gift, but I see our eternal life as the gift. We're not really supposed to enjoy this part of the journey.

Abnormal Psychology delves into lengthy discussions of several biological factors which possibly cause, or contribute to, Schizophrenia. I feel that scientists are probably barking up the wrong tree with most of these, but I don't know that for sure, and it isn't really relevant. What matters is the understanding that if they ever do succeed in mapping out exactly how Schizophrenia works; they will not be discovering the cause of a "disorder," but rather the biological function of using psychic abilities. This text refers to genetics studies which link one region of the genome to both Schizophrenia and immune function. This region is the major histocompatibility complex, or MHC, and it also plays a role in brain development and neuronal function. Well, I can say that my immune system is, and always has been, a piece of crap; so, if the correlation they're seeing is a connection between poor immunity and having "hallucinations," then here's one more vote for those researchers possibly being onto something.

But, guess what? I have another textbook! Here are some tidbits from Fundamentals of Abnormal Psychology, Sixth Edition, by Ronald J. Comer. This book naturally contains a lot of the same information as the first one, but I'll share here what's different. The chapter on Schizophrenia in this text begins with a quote from a person with Schizophrenia, who says that they experience:

"...thoughts continually sucked out of your head....knowing that you are continually 'watched'..."

• Very relatable.The author expects readers to be surprised that this statement, written by someone with Schizophrenia, is so coherent. That's a bit offensive, but it's okay; I have a feeling that when it's all said and done, Schizophrenics will have the last laugh.

The first case study is that of a woman who began to show symptoms after it became clear that she might have to euthanize a beloved dog.

• Because demons prey on the grieving.

Both that case study and the second one describe patients seeing "signs," feeling guided, or finding what they interpreted as personal messages meant for them in every day things.

• Those patients may have been right about their intuitions. Though the examples given in the text sound a little bit silly; we must bear in mind that these are not firsthand accounts, but rather accounts written by doctors who are about as spiritually-gifted as thumb tacks, and cannot be expected to understand psychic abilities. The "signs" described in the text are things like seeing a red light and thinking that it meant they should not go that way; they were not anything as specific as finding an April Fool's letter on April Fool's Day. Still, I don't doubt that a stop light could be a Heaven-sent message to someone, but that is for that person alone to discern.

These types of "delusions," in which one sees signs, are referred to as "delusions of reference." There are also "delusions of grandeur," which cause the patient to believe they're someone important, special, or powerful. Finally, there are "delusions of control," in which patients "believe their feelings, thoughts, and actions are being controlled by other people.

• Well, I know for certain that Psychology's concept of "delusions of control" is a bunch of bullshit.

"Some people with Schizophrenia use neologisms, made up words that typically have meaning only to the person using them... Others may display the formal thought disorder of perseveration, in which they repeat their words and statements again and again. Finally, some use clang, or rhyme to think or express themselves."

• Yeah, that's demonspeak. Demons repeat themselves, as well as speaking in rhymes. I think it's meant to be eerie, or to drive us crazy. I would consider inventing new words to be creative and smart.

These "disorganized" patterns of speaking and thought can appear long before full-blown Schizophrenia.

• That is scary. That probably means that these people were hearing demons telepathically for a long time before they realized it. You don't have to be that perceptive to pick up on the ideas or concepts demons transmit; but to have picked up on their rhyme schemes, these people must have been hearing them pretty clearly. I don't know how in the world they didn't know; I can only guess that they were not familiar enough with their own internal dialogues to discern the difference. Know thyself!

"The perceptions and attention of some people with Schizophrenia seem to intensify."

• Duh.




• Demon just commented, "They might add bitchiness as a symptom of Schizophrenia."

"[A voice-hearer says] The voices... were mostly heard in my head, though I often heard them in the air, or in different parts of the room. Every voice was different, and each beautiful, and generally, speaking or singing in a different tone and measure, and resembling those of relations or friends..."

• Accurately described. I can't say that all the voices I've heard have been beautiful, though.

"Research suggests that people with auditory hallucinations actually produce the nerve signals of sound in their brains, 'hear' them, and then believe that external sources are responsible. One line of research measured blood flow in the Broca's area, the region of the brain that helps people produce speech. The investigators found more blood flow in Broca's area while patients were experiencing auditory hallucinations."

• Okay, obviously these are not hallucinations, and we're not making any of this up ourselves; but aside from that, this little theory right here might be onto something-- about the physiology of how demons are communicating with us. Remember the Islamic belief that Shaitan move through our blood (in "Lye Soap")? And I myself have experienced having my heart rate increased by demons-- which they seemed to be doing in order to transmit a message. I don't have the answer, but there's my two cents worth.

"...people with Schizophrenia often appear to be trying to fight off the strange thoughts and perceptions that pervade their minds."

• Yeah, you'd think they'd just stop making all that stuff up, wouldn't you?

"[A patient says] I thought the voices I heard were being transmitted through... the washer and dryer and that these machines were talking and telling me things...]"

• That's the hearing through rhythms. It is hard to describe, and I'm sure it does sound crazy to anyone who's never experienced it. This really is telepathy, or perhaps what would be called claircognizance. I haven't bothered to define or explain the different types of psychic abilities, because I think they're really all the same. The terms are useful in descriptions sometimes, though. This is an example of claircognizance (a "psychic knowing or understanding") because, as I now realize, it was actually just a demon trick to "send" me the words in time with the rhythm. It was the same way when I seemingly obtained words from touching objects or touching my skin. That's what was going on with this patient also. It's quite maddening, as it is designed to be. I think that demons use different tricks on all of us for the same reasons that they tell all of us a different story about who they are-- to create confusion, to make us seem crazy, to keep themselves concealed, and to keep anyone from discovering the truth. "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist”—Charles Baudelaire

"Many people with Schizophrenia display inappropriate affect, emotions that are unsuited to the situation... Consider a [patient] who smiles when told of her husband's serious illness... She may not actually be happy about the news... She could... be responding... to a joke coming from an auditory hallucination."

• Replace "auditory hallucination" with "demon," and we'll have a factual statement here. They are blabbering away pretty much constantly. Even though they're quieter while I'm conversing with other people, they still comment here and there. I'm ignoring all of that while I smile and act normal. I haven't had anything like this happen to me so far, but I can totally see how it could.

"Many [patients] experience avolition, or apathy, feeling drained of energy and of interest in normal goals..."

• Well, yeah. Finding out that we actually live in a demon-infested, hellish world, where no thought is private, and where demons use us as "cute suits," kinda makes every day bullshit seem astronomically trivial.

"[Patients] may withdraw from their social environment and attend only to their own ideas and fantasies..."

• That's because no one understands or believes us. "Ideas and fantasies," they say. If you want to know about fantasies, or delusions of grandeur, for that matter, ask a psychologist; they're the ones who are having them.

"People with Schizophrenia sometimes experience psychomotor symptoms, for example, awkward movements or repeated grimaces and odd gestures."

• Because there's a demon in them.

These symptoms may take an extreme form, such as catatonia. In a catatonic stupor, people stop responding to their environment, remaining motionless and silent for long periods of time.

• They're possessed!

"...Genetic researchers believe that some people inherit a biological predisposition to Schizophrenia and develop the disorder later when they face extreme stress..."

• That is more likely because demons will attack you when you're at your weakest.

A lengthy case study in this text tells the story of a woman who called the police herself after drowning her five children. She apparently said that she had done this because "they weren't developing correctly," and because she'd realized that "she had not been a good mother to them." She also said that she wanted her head shaved, so that she could see the number 666, the mark of the Antichrist, on her scalp.

• This is quite a testimony of how demon-infested our world is. Damn near everyone must be under the influence, when this story ends up in a textbook as an example of mental illness, rather than in a religious book as an example of demonic possession. It's proof that Science (a.k.a. Atheism) is Satan's true church. I truly don't understand the weakness, mental deficiency, or lack of confidence, or whatever it is (probably a combination of those) that allows people to be that influenced. This story is, however, a good example of why psychologists have the false notion that Schizophrenics have low I.Q.s; because those cases are the ones they find out about. And I feel some sympathy, yes, but not too much, actually; because I know exactly what this is, and I would never have harmed my children. She should have said, "Hell no, Satan! Go flush yourself down the toilet!"

Next, Sigmund Freud makes an appearance, in reference to an idea he had which has been largely rejected in modern times (like his belief that telepathy was possible, I guess). Freud believed that a certain type of mother, referred to in this text as a schizophrenogenic mother, was the cause of Schizophrenia in her children. The description of this type of mother sounds a lot like a narcissistic mother; cold, domineering, rejecting, and uninterested in the needs of others.

• Freud may have been onto something; but it's more likely that mothers like that have demons-- demons who eventually move on to tormenting their children.

This text includes a section about lobotomies, a surgical procedure of the past, during which doctors physically damaged the brains of patients.

• Satan's plan in action. Of course, now they're lobotomizing people with drugs-- Satan's plan, revised edition.


One more thing I discovered is a study in which G. Paul Amminger, Miriam R. Schäfer, Monika Schlögelhofer, Claudia M. Klier & Patrick D. McGorry have found that taking fish oil supplements for 12 weeks reduced the risk of progression to psychotic disorder in young people with subthreshold psychotic states for a 12-month period.

https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms8934

• This is interesting from a religious perspective, because in the book of Tobit, burning the heart and liver of a fish is recommended by Archangel Raphael to drive a demon out of an afflicted woman. That, and the fact that a fish has sometimes been used as a symbol for Jesus, made me think, "Hmmm...."


Who Are We, The Voice-Hearers?

Generally, we are a group of people who very much lack support. Some of us don't tell our families or friends, and, as a result, endure isolation on top of dealing with demons. Those of us who do tell our loved ones deal with their failure to understand the magnitude of what has happened to us; and that's if they even understand at all.

For example, on a typical day in my life --after, you know staying up late the night before working on this book, while demons constantly scream threats at me, followed by having to sage and Holy water the place to get demons to stop poking me so I can sleep, you know, stuff like that-- Mom calls and informs me that her nosy friends and some nosy extended family members are asking her what I'm doing for a living these days, and she needs to know what to tell them.
...And I'm thinking,
"Gosh, that sure is a serious problem. Hmmm... Why don't you tell them to mind their own business? And then maybe ask your daughter how she's dealing with her daily battle with Satan, before worrying about something so petty!"
...But, I only sigh heavily, and reply,
"I guess just tell them I'm writing a book."
I wish I could send demons, like a curse, on other people sometimes, just so other people would learn what it's like to have real problems.

Now I have people --normal people-- acquaintances who've been embarrassed about this situation all year, saying that they are proud of me. They're proud of me for publishing a book, that is, as if that's the real achievement. It doesn't occur to them to be proud that I survived this demonic attack; and that I, single-handedly, figured out more about demons than anyone else ever has. (Well, I didn't have any other human's help, in that regard.) They ask the most juvenile questions, like how many pages the book will have. These people would have labeled me mentally deficient if I'd let them. What a joke of a world this is.

At the beginning of this year, I thought I was alone in this. I thought that I might be the only person in the world who had somehow become able to hear demons. I especially thought that after putting it together that TV psychics aren't even hearing what I am. I knew about so-called psychological disorders where the afflicted hear voices, and I quickly made the connection that this might be what's going on with them as well.

When I met Andrew, he directed me to a private Facebook group for voice-hearers where one doctor has got this figured out. He is Dr. Jerry Marzinsky. https://www.jerrymarzinsky.com/
With 35 years of experience, working with hundreds of patients, Dr. Marzinsky has reached many of the same conclusions I have. This group has been a wonderful place to discuss our experiences with people who understand. Here's a transcription of a post I recently shared with the group:

"I am sad because I can't talk about my life with anyone and it sucks. Most of my friends and family who know anything about this do believe me; but they don't understand, and they don't want to hear about it constantly.

I don't fit in with "normal" people, because I'm not normal.

I don't fit in with my Atheist friends, because I'm not an Atheist anymore.

I don't fit in with other Christians, because I know that things aren't quite the way they think they are.

Even among us, the voice-hearers, there is division.

I don't fit in with New Agers, because I know that these are not friendly spirit guides.

I don't fit in with people who think it's an illness, because I know it's not.

I'm a spiritually-gifted, free-thinking Catholic. So basically, I'm something that isn't supposed to exist."

A wise and kind member wrote me this in response:

"Hi. Remember the way of the prophets is to be alone... Even in churches, we'll find not our place, because none of them want to hear about such spiritual fights. 'If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me.' John 15, 18-21
This is the cross. Sad, but the truth. When you know that, you see the imposture of this world which speaks without knowing. But He said,
'Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.'
John 16:20"

Aside from that group, I've found online many others like myself during the course of this year, but the problem is that they all have a different take on what we're experiencing. They're a little bit difficult to find, too. They're not in Schizophrenia groups or voice-hearing groups; some of them are in groups about astral projection, transcendence, spirituality, opening your third eye, and just about any other New Age concept one can think of. Many are in groups about psychics, mediums, demons, or hauntings and the paranormal.

Some actually believe that they have a disorder; and have been convinced, I suppose, that they really are making all of this up themselves. Some think the voices are God or angels. Some know it's demons, and have held strong in their faith; while others know it's demons, but have lost their faith because prayer has not liberated them. Of course many believe that they are communicating with the ghosts of their loved ones or friendly spirit guides; while others believe that they are communicating telepathically with other living people.

Some think it's the government using technology that transmits messages into people's skulls. When I first heard that one, I thought,
"Um... I'm fairly certain that nobody in Washington, D.C. is smart enough to do that."
Oddly enough, though, I found some evidence that there might have actually been experiments with something like this in the past; it's called V2K. But, even if that were the case, I don't think it would be a two-way conversation, and our mattresses wouldn't shake, and stuff like that, so that's definitely not what it is.

Most confusingly, many believe what the voices tell them, and ask whether or not they should follow the voices' instructions. I don't understand this. More often than not, I want to reach through the screen and shake them, and say,
"Wake up! Quit being so stupid!"
But, that wouldn't be very supportive of them, would it?
Once, when I found myself thinking,
"I can't believe that other people believe this shit!"
Demons replied,
"Yeah... it is shocking how MOST humorous individuals DO believe this shit."

The late archimandrite, Elder Ephraim of Arizona, said,
"When we struggle against demonic thoughts, the struggle will be considered as a martyrdom. This is because one suffers a great deal when evil thoughts attack, and God, seeing the toil and pain of the soul, considers it to be a martyrdom."

Well, I can see that. This has effectively killed the person I was, and the person I would have been.

Does your loved one hear voices?

Do you have a loved one who hears voices? Do you believe your loved one, as in, do you believe that the voices they hear are coming from real, sentient beings? Do they believe that themselves?

I think that a lot of people would rather think of themselves as sick, than to admit that these shitheads we're talking to are real. Sick is easier. There may be a doctor or a medication that can solve our problems, if we're sick. Sickness seems safer, more manageable, more of a controlled situation. Additionally, I think that some people just don't want to believe in demons. It's too scary; it imbalances the schema through which they understand the world.

I theorize that others merely accepted being classified as "crazy," because they didn't trust their own minds, and therefore believed what everyone else, including demons, told them. After a few years of taking brain-damaging drugs --coupled with the effects of hearing constant threats and negativity from demons, which sometimes do not go away with medication-- they may have actually become crazy. Neither of these choices were ever an option for me.

I believe that telepathy is an ability that all humans possess, and some of us have accidentally figured out how to use it. It probably comes more naturally for some people, but I truly think it's that simple. It may not be anything special or unique, or anything traceable by genetic markers. This happened to me pretty much overnight, and following a week long stint of recording evps. I realize that I have an advantage over some voice-hearers because of my individual circumstances; namely, that I actually recorded these voices, so I always knew for a fact that they are real. Furthermore, I have always had complete confidence in my intelligence and discernment. I have always, and will always, trust my own judgment above that of anyone else.

This knowledge and confidence has kept me assured of my own sanity; however, it probably doesn't make hearing demons any easier to deal with. This is a terrible thing to have to tolerate; and your loved ones who are suffering are strong beyond description, and deserving of your full support. They are blessed to have your support. I ask you, however, if you consider their condition to be a mental illness, to perhaps give it just a bit more thought.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon to someone who hasn't experienced it (or, more likely, doesn't realize that they have) is this:

An intrusive thought. Have you ever had a thought that seemed to come from way out in left field --usually something negative-- and you don't know where it came from? For example, you look at a photo of someone you know, and think "Ugly." But, you don't actually think that person is ugly. You sort of shake your head, wondering why you'd ever think something like that; still wondering where that even came from.

Well, you didn't think that. That was not your thought. It came through in your inner voice (your self-talk/self-dialogue voice), but it was not your thought. That was not your thought. It came through in your inner voice (your self-talk/self-dialogue voice), but it was not your thought. That's phase one.

Eventually, after you become able to discern that difference, a voice begins talking to you in words; in complete sentences. It might sound like "your" inner voice, or it might not (mine usually doesn't); but it is not coming from you. It is not anything that you are saying to yourself, or anything that you would say to yourself. It seems as if it's coming from someone or something else, and it is.

That's what we're experiencing. Once you recognize that, however, it's a constant onslaught, and the things these demons say are very negative. It's a constant stream of filth, for me, anyway.

Priests advise us to "stop thinking about demons," and send us to psychologists. Psychologists tell us "don't listen to the voices" (not realizing that that's about like saying, "Oh, just don't listen to that chainsaw someone's using right beside your head. Just turn your ears off!"), and put us on brain-damaging drugs.

For me, the only way forward is to persevere. I might see a reduction in symptoms if I were to take a medication; however, since I value my intelligence far more than my peace of mind, this will never be an option for me. Also, since I know for a fact that these voices are coming from real, sentient beings, I liken the prospect of silencing them with drugs to this scenario:

What if you were a soldier on the battlefield with the enemy advancing? You see them coming, and you're scared.
You wish you could be anywhere else but here. What can you do?

You could blind yourself--
and then you wouldn't see them coming.
But would that really be the smartest thing to do?
They would still be coming.
And you'd be at a greater disadvantage.