Sabbatical, Part 4

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...continued

All you Satanheads
Tryin' to shake someone's bed,
You better bolt, better bolt,
Outrun that jolt!

All you bitchy vapors
with your stupid capers,
better sail, better sail,
straight back to your place in Hell!

-Justa Christian (to the tune of Pumped Up Kicks)

Yes, I wrote that one! These assholes pissed me off!

Something is afoot in Denmark

As I mentioned previously, they were scaring my pets for a while. On several occasions, I observed both my cats and dogs moving their heads, following something with their eyes that I could not see, as if mesmerized by it. One night, both of my dogs left their half-eaten food bowls (which was very out-of-character for them) to sit side-by-side and watch... something. Several nights the dogs growled or barked at something unseen to me; and on more than one occasion, this happened just as I was laying down to sleep. This happened on the night of August 4th, and I was certain that it was a demon harassing them. But, seeing as how all my prayers --at least the ones regarding casting these demons into Hell are concerned-- had not been very fruitful, I didn't know what to do.

At this point, I had accepted the fact that I might very well have to fall asleep every night of my life with demons jabbering away, poking at my face, or wriggling into me as if I were a sleeping bag; but, as it is with most mothers, if you mess with my kids, that's a whole 'nother level of fury you're calling down!
I literally yelled at the sky,

"If there is ANYBODY in this universe, ANYBODY at all who will kick these demons' asses into the ground, then come do it!!"

I got my sage and spray bottle of Holy water, and proceeded to smudge and spritz the entire house and property, as I continued,

"Come do it now! I'm not asking for myself. They're bothering my pets, and my pets DO NOT deserve that! Yes, I realize that I do not get anything I ask for, for myself. Yes, that has been made ABUNDANTLY clear! But I'm not asking for myself; I'm asking for my pets. They're innocent. They do not deserve this shit! And I don't either, for that matter, but they definitely don't!"

I continued smudging and spraying the Holy water, moving around the property as I continued my rant,

"Yes, I realize that I do not get any help for myself. I realize that nobody cares if these demons torment me for the rest of my life. But I am asking for my pets to be protected. Do not let them harm them, scare them, or harass them in any way. ANYBODY!! If ANYBODY will help me, come do it now!"

I called on my deceased ancestors. I called out their names, and asked them,

"Please appeal to ANYBODY!! ANYBODY in the entire universe who can and will stomp these demons' asses, send them! Call them now!"

I reminded whomever it may concern that I cannot spend all day every day fighting fucking demons. That I am not a priest, and I do not get an offering collected for me every Sunday. That I have these animals to care for, and that I need to do some work because here in the real world, people have bills to pay.

"So, I'm very sorry that I can't pray and do exorcisms all day every day!" I said, "But my animals do not deserve to be tormented! None of this is their fault! They're innocent!"

Amidst all of that, I repeatedly commanded the demons,

"This is not your house! This is not your land! You are not welcome here! Nobody gives a fuck about you! Go to Hell!"

I probably said more than that. This went on for a while. I truly pulled every card I had. Thank goodness I don't have close neighbors, except for my parents, that is; but they're old, and they were probably watching TV, so no other living person heard that rant.

But... someone did. Either that, or the demons put on another hell of a performance, because they shut up and quit their shit for the remainder of the night. They were pretty quiet the entire next day as well. They certainly acted rebuked, whether they actually were or not. Honestly, I don't know. I sometimes suspect that they only pretend to be exorcised. I mean, I do think there are replacement demons; but really that doesn't make any sense either. What good is sending some away, if more only follow? Something is wrong here.

When they started talking to me again, they said that they did get their asses kicked; and that it was my intention that got me some attention from upstairs. See, even that could be true, but that could also be another ruse. Statements like that carry the implication that God will "scold" them if they step way out of line, but He won't make them leave me alone forever. It implies that they have His permission to do most of what they do to me anyway. I don't think I believe that. There is something very wrong here. Something is not the way we've been taught to believe it is, or these demons would've been soot long ago.

Two days later, Stephanie was saying on Facebook messenger that the demon's presence had been more noticeable to her, at her house. She had heard it say,
"Good girl,"
out loud, and she had heard audible sighing. Unfortunately, she also reported some discord within her family, and that her dogs continued to behave strangely. Meanwhile, I'd noticed the demon being "away," or silent, at times. It's as if it flees to her house whenever I piss it off, or at least that's what it's trying to make me think.

The "sighing" she heard, I think is probably the same thing I hear often too, out loud. I would call it a scoff. It's like a
"Humph!"
...as if it's mocking me.
Another thing I've noticed is that when demon is away or silent, he's often "pulling files." When he returns, he'll bring up something from my past; often something I barely remember, or something from a very long ago,  something that I have not thought about in years. I believe he's checked my parents' files too; because sometimes it will be something that, while I know about it, on some level, while it may be buried somewhere deep within the recesses of my mind, it's something which is much more likely to have come from one of them.

Later, in the same conversation with Stephanie, she laid her phone down and stepped away for a moment. While she was gone, I received a one-minute-long  recording, as if she'd sent me a voice recording through messenger. When she returned to the conversation, she casually said that she had no idea how that recording got sent. I don't think she thought much about it, but I was suspicious. I listened to it carefully, and then wrote to her what I thought it said:
"Stephanie.... you don't love me anymore, but I'm not going to live without you."

As soon as I texted that to her, the demon said to me,
"Fuck yourself, if that is not exactly what Satan said to Stephanie."

Later, she said that since the following day was Sunday, she and her family were planning to visit a new church. She said she'd been plagued throughout the afternoon by thoughts of being outcast by the congregation, but she recognized these thoughts as not being her own. She had heard a voice say,
"Don't go. They'll call you out. You're not like them."
She's been seeing creepy faces in her aquarium. She saw a shadow of an arm (that didn't belong to any human present) on the side of her house, while simultaneously, only one of two wind chimes was playing a tune. These wind chimes hang side-by-side, and there was no wind.
She also said that she had been feeling very "watched," as if something were hiding behind every door. I wish I'd had a better reply to offer her; but I didn't, so I told her the truth:
"There is something hiding behind every door."

I don't think I have felt that way my entire life; that I was being watched, or that something was behind the door. I think I started feeling that way when I moved into this house 19 years ago. I still don't think it has anything to do with this house necessarily, though. I truly believe that people are haunted, not places. I think it's merely that I became more aware of these feelings around that time. Perhaps the peaceful setting had something to do with it, because it helped me to focus.

A word on dreams and other hallucinations

Both Stephanie and I have had disturbing dreams of late. I am fairly certain that demons can give us dreams; as in, they can plan or write our dreams. It makes sense, considering that they can inject thoughts into our minds while we're awake. Why not while we're sleeping also? Plus, you know how sometimes you dream of something or someone from long ago; something so deeply buried in your subconscious that you haven't thought of it in years. You'll wake up wondering,
"Why in the world did I dream of that?!"
Pulling files while we sleep. I've had that happen. I know that demons can see our dreams. They've commented on my dreams many times. They've even awakened me, mid-dream, and asked,
"What the fuck was that about?"
There again, it's sensible; considering that they can read our minds while we're awake. I also know that they can give us hallucinations while we're awake. This, honestly, makes me question the validity and source of prophetic visions or anything revealed in dreams. I'll leave it at that. Just think about that.

In Acts chapter 16, verses 16 through 19, we read:

16 As we were going to the place of prayer, we met a slave girl with an oracular spirit, who used to bring a large profit to her owners through her fortune-telling. 17 She began to follow Paul and us, shouting, “These people are slaves of the Most High God, who proclaim to you a way of salvation.” 18 She did this for many days. Paul became annoyed, turned, and said to the spirit, “I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.” Then it came out at that moment.
19 When her owners saw that their hope of profit was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them to the public square before the local authorities.

Then, in Acts chapter 21, verses 8 through 11, we read:

8 On the next day we resumed the trip and came to Caesarea, where we went to the house of Philip the evangelist, who was one of the Seven, and stayed with him. 9 He had four virgin daughters gifted with prophecy. 10 We had been there several days when a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. 11 He came up to us, took Paul’s belt, bound his own feet and hands with it, and said, “Thus says the holy Spirit: This is the way the Jews will bind the owner of this belt in Jerusalem, and they will hand him over to the Gentiles.”

(New American Bible Revised Edition)

Here, in the same book, we read of a "soothsayer" who apparently gets her information from an evil spirit; and later we read of five other people who are "prophets" who supposedly get their information from the Holy spirit, and who are widely acclaimed for their predictions. How did anyone ever really know the difference? Could the fact that the first one was a slave and the others were respectable citizens have anything to do with the difference in the way they're portrayed in this story? I don't know; but again, something is wrong here.

Manifestation/Materialization

On Friday morning, August 13, I awoke to find that a demon was holding my hand. This level of manifestation has only occurred a few times since the beginning (when I was, thinking that it was the benevolent spirit of my deceased friend, asking it to take my hand, and other such stupid things). Obviously, it's happened in brief intervals, such as when I have felt my face being poked, and a few other instances of that nature. But, anyway, as I was saying-- a demon was holding my hand. In my half-sleep, as I became aware of my surroundings, I felt that my hand was grasping... something. I quickly realized what it was, having experienced the sensation before. It feels solid, but not solid. It feels... if you can imagine... as if there is some halfway place between air and something solid, like flesh. It's there; it's real, it's quasi-solid. You could squeeze through it. You could, even while a demon is holding your hand, enclose your two hands together; entwine your fingers even, press your palms together. You could do it; but you'd meet resistance. It wouldn't exactly be easy.

I let go as soon as I realized what it was that I was grasping. The demon said,
"So what? So what if a demon is holding your hand and watching your dreams while you sleep?"

Other random occurrences between then and now

I remembered some stuff from when I was really really possessed; some of the stuff I'd forgotten from those crazy few days. I know this sounds hilarious, but they, impersonating God, made me clean my house, and they made me explain items that I own as I did so. They'd ask,
"What is that? Why do you have that?"
They made me throw my vitamins and some family photos in the trash. I was given some stupid reasons, like that the vitamins weren't good for me, and that I didn't need pictures of dead people. It was like a test to see if I'd do it; to see if I'd do any stupid thing they commanded me to do, even throwing away something precious to me. I did put the items in the trash at first, but later, I got mad, and got them back out. Then they told me that I had lost my chance, and I would never be in Heaven. I remember saying,
"You know what? Good! Then leave me alone! Bye!"

I also remember that they repeatedly tried to make a deal with me; a deal to get to go to Heaven, allegedly, because they were pretending to be God. They'd say things like,
"Well, if you do everything we tell you to do, you can be in Heaven when you die, but you will not get to be with your pets (or family, or whatever the current terms were)."
Once, they talked to me for 22 straight hours, and would not let me sleep. I recall having severe muscle spasms; which, interestingly enough, I've recently read are also associated with schizophrenia. Someone should have figured this out before now. It was fairly traumatic. It's really no wonder that I fugued that stuff, or forgot it, or whatever happened. 

I remember thinking, even through my confusion, that this was not how I thought God would be. I remember thinking on several occasions that "they" were being childish, petty, or downright sadistic. But, then again, I remembered all the things I've been taught about how God, supposedly, will test you. That's the only thing, really, that made me even consider the possibility that "they" might be who they said they were. Well, that, and, what exactly are you supposed to think when you suddenly start hearing voices in your head, or in rhythms, or every time you touch your skin?

Lately, I've been seeing demons, possibly; or possibly mere hallucinations. They're never clearly visible. They're a fast-moving streak of white, black, or even a blue sort of mist. I occasionally hear the tones (tinnitus) still, but I pretty much constantly hear the "astral crickets." That is exactly what it sounds like. I have no idea what significance that has. Every now and then, they turn it off; simply to show me how shocking the silence is, I think. I also experience a sort of surround-sound effect. What this means is that I hear something that is actually real, a sound of nature, perhaps, but it echoes around me, kind of like a surround-sound system. I often feel as if there's something wrong with my right ear. It feels stopped up, as if something is in it. Sure, there could be a medical explanation for that. The only thing about that is, that's also something I remember from the beginning. Plus, demon will say things like,
"Ear worm bothering you?"
They're probably just fucking with me with that one, though.

The "knock yourself off the front porch" catchphrase, pertaining to my cousin's accident, has evolved into "drop yourself off at church." Demon says that he got in trouble for telling me to knock myself off the porch. Here again, even if we assume that that's true, with whom did he get in trouble? God? Satan? Those kinds of statements are intended to lead me to believe that God allows the majority of this torment, but He'll draw the line at certain things. Or, it's intended to make me wonder if that's true.

Meanwhile, my female dog, "Daisy," the older one, has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer. Demon has said plenty of nasty things about that; yet, also some seemingly supportive things. For example, he's said,
"That beauty queen never seemed blue, until she thought she might have to leave you..."
and
"She deserves an encore performance..."
and
"You have been a beautiful mother..."

But, on the other hand, he's also said things like,
"Daisy expires tomorrow..."
"Family reunion is looming..." (meaning her trip to Heaven)
and,
"I can smell the cemetery..."

This is a fine example of why I get so upset on Reddit sometimes, when people tell me things like,
"Oh, no, you crazy! Not all spirits is demons! Some of them good spirits, helpful! Spirit guides! That's your truth, but it's not the truth! Stop telling everybody it's demons!"

It is demons. They are not good. They can pretend to be good. If you like them, or if you haven't figured out what they are, they might be good to you.
I, however, have seen the evil side; and I have a pretty good idea of just how extensive their trickery really is.
Also, most of the people who say that stuff don't communicate with them anywhere near this directly or constantly. I'm sure that makes a difference. They are evil. They will pounce on anything they think might make you feel bad in any way, and exacerbate it, and remind you of it repeatedly. So, this is why I now present you with step 4 of self-deliverance.

Step 4 of Self-Deliverance:
Have No Shame!

Seriously, none. If your church is making you feel shame, that might not be the church for you. The same goes for your family and friends. Are you a good person? Do you like you? Is the world just a little bit more beautiful because you're in it? Have you been wonderful to someone, at some time, even if (or especially if) it was your dog?
Then... fabulous! You're fine! You're doing great, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise... especially not a stupid demon.

Other than that, all I have to say right now is, get mad at the sky if you have to. It might make a difference.