Satan Says I'm Special

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...continued

As, I was saying, after Marie's visit, things were somewhat better. Those were still very difficult days, however. It was very upsetting, at first, just to realize that I was never alone, and probably had never been alone in my entire life. Furthermore, for those who have never experienced this (which is probably most of you), I can't stress enough how unsettling it was to learn that my thoughts are not private. On top of that, not only are they not private, but now, I have a demon commenting on every thought that enters my mind. It took a while to learn to think again; to feel free enough to think again, in any way that resembled any way that I had ever thought before.

Another thing I did during those early days, besides making a huge wooden sign, was to write a letter to the Pope. At that point, I didn't know an exorcist yet, and I was hesitant to call the exorcism hotline, or to contact my local diocese.
I sent the letter to: 

This is my letter:

I didn't get a response, but I felt a little bit better having sent it.

The next thing I did was to talk to my ex-husband about the problem. My ex-husband, "Lee", is a staunch atheist. We have remained good friends since our divorce. He is still one of the few people with whom I can talk about anything. I didn't think he'd believe in demons, and he didn't; but he did believe me. He thought it was a ghost of a human being, but he believed that I was being bothered by something. He asked what he could do to help. I remember replying,
"Well, nothing, I guess, besides listen. Unless you happen to know an Exorcist."
I was astounded when Lee said,
"Actually, I do."
It turned out that Lee has a friend, a colleague, who is a formally educated priest and authorized to do exorcisms, but no longer works for a church. Lee said that this friend, whom we'll call "Father Ryan", would still don his collar and stole to assist someone in need. He quickly made the introduction over social media, and we had a zoom meeting. Fr. Ryan made plans to visit my home, along with Lee, a few weeks after the meeting.

In the meantime, I tried to ignore demon again, but demon made sure that couldn't happen. If I ever needed proof that I was actually possessed; demon proved it in two ways during the weeks that followed. Once, I was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, after a day of ignoring demon. (Remember that this was before I could hear it telepathically very well.) As I was lying there, trying to fall asleep, my breathing became labored. I started breathing heavily, for no apparent reason; and for no apparent reason, I kept my mouth closed and breathed entirely through my nose. With each breath that went in out out of my nostrils, there was a syllable. It was typical threatening stuff, like:

[inhale] Do [exhale] you [inhale] think [exhale] that [inhale] you [exhale] can [inhale] just [exhale] ig [inhale] nore [exhale] Sa [inhale] tan?

Another night, I had fallen asleep, and I awoke with a start. My right arm was tossed back, resting on the pillow beside my head. My heart was racing, and I didn't remember having a dream or anything. I couldn't figure out why I had awakened suddenly with my heart pounding. Then I felt my pulse in my right wrist. It was as if my right wrist suddenly started throbbing and drew my attention. As the blood pumped through my veins, there were words. More threatening stuff, like:

[heartbeat] We [heartbeat] will [heartbeat] nev [heartbeat] er
[heartbeat] let [heartbeat] you [heartbeat] go

Demon, who still called himself Johnny sometimes at that point, was still playing that "You will marry me" angle. He was alternately flirtatious and abusive. He can be poetic when he wants to be, as well as humorous. He actually said some really beautiful things, like:

"We are obsessed with this new thing called a heart. We didn't know we had one until you broke it."

And, another time, I was looking at paintings of angels, and thinking that their wings are shaped like half-hearts. Demon said, sadly:

"Angel's wings are broken hearts."

Yet another time, he sang me a creepy song. This was to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me": 

"Demons love you, this you know,
Book of Enoch tells you so,
Little ones to them belong,
They are angels, we are not.

Yes, demons love you,
Yes, demons love you,
Yes, demons love you,
but demons hate you more.

Demons don't know what to do,
'cause they want to be with you,
but you don't want them to stay,
but they won't just go away."

Yet another time, he said (for the ten thousandth time),
"They won't let you be in Heaven when you die, because you have not been that good of a person. So, if you won't be with us, you won't have anywhere to go. You'll just be in your grave."

To which I responded,
"You know what? That's crap! That's crap; because all I have to do is say that I'm sorry and ask Jesus to save me, and I have done that."

Demon replied angrily,
"Yeah. It is that way for you people. Because they think you people are the best thing that has ever happened. But it is not that way for us."

Needless to say, I was anxiously awaiting Fr. Ryan's first visit, and I thought that day could not come soon enough.

To be continued...

Back to the present, for a moment...

Ugh.
So, I have some wonderful news! I'm going to be baptized very soon. I've been in RCIA classes for a few months now in order to join a Catholic church, and my pastor thinks I'm ready, and I agree! Anyway, I'm very happy about my upcoming baptism. Unfortunately for me, though, it means that I am being attacked more forcefully by demons.

I am positive now that I have had "substitute demons" at times, and also that, at times, "my" demon has called in reinforcements. I first suspected this after my third official exorcism; but I am getting too far ahead of myself again, so I won't go into to much detail about that right now. I will say that I can discern that it's a different demon in two ways. For one thing, there will be a difference in personality, even though it's doing the same "voice" and saying some of the same things. I actually suspect now that this might be part of the reason for the Dr. Seuss-like speech and repetitive catchphrases that demon uses. It's a strategy. It's a speech pattern that is easy to mimic; and that means that a different demon can come in and say some stupid stuff to me, and they hope that I won't know the difference. My regular demon is a pest, but not really that mean. He's a jokester, as I've explained. Lately, I've had demon(s) saying really mean things. For example, I look in the mirror, and it says,
"Ugly. You are ugly to Satan. That right there is nothing that a demon, or a human, would love."
I have also been awakened at night again, like I was in the early days, and this had not been happening recently.

Another indicator is that I feel that my regular demon is somewhat weaker than the substitutes and reinforcements. I can spray myself with Holy water, and my regular demon shuts up. These guys I've had lately have not been as severely affected by it. This past Saturday night, I was kept awake all night by demon(s). Bear in mind that this is happening in a house that is blessed, to a person who is wearing multiple blessed objects and relics, in a bed that is regularly sprinkled with Holy water and has multiple blessed objects stowed beneath the mattress, in a room where a CD of exorcism prayers plays 24/7. I experienced the haunted pillow, and the vibrating mattress, and I was touched several times. I briefly saw a dark figure with glowing eyes sitting crouched behind my headboard; and at one point, I saw a black, burned-looking hand with long tapered fingers and sharp fingernails rise out of the mattress beside me. Of course, these visions were hallucinations; but I have not had demons making me hallucinate since the very beginning. I feel that they were trying to stop me from going to church on Sunday morning. I went anyway; and a demon was "in" me the entire time. I heard it speak during the service, of course; and it moved or jerked my body slightly a few times, as if to let me know it was there.

After church, I sprayed myself with Holy water; and demon raged and bitched, but did not shut up. As I drove away, he said,
"That was not that bad of a way to kick Satan's ass, but Satan is never going to leave you just because you are that Catholic and you have that there Holy water bottle. You should not have that! Yes! That was Satan! Satan went to church with you!"
I have had my regular demon to pester me somewhat in church before, but not very much. He's usually pretty quiet (or departed from me) from the moment I walk in.
I stopped at a gas station. I noticed that a dog, waiting in a parked car, barked fiercely at me as I walked past it. Maybe it was just that particular dog's personality; but it was a bit odd. Most animals look at me like I'm the love of their life. Back in the truck, I said (thought) to demon,
"So, that was Satan, huh? Satan went to church with me?"
Demon said yes. I said,
"Well, I do wonder why I'm so important to Satan. Why is Satan so freaking interested in me, that he would attend a Catholic mass with me? Why is Satan sending extra demons and reinforcement demons to torment me? Why would Satan waste so many resources on little 'ol me, when I am clearly a lost cause?"
Demon replied,
"Yeah, you do wonder that, don't you? Yes, you do. It might be that Satan thinks that you are way too damn far good at this (being psychic and being resilient to demonic attacks) to be human. Satan thinks that you just might be special. Satan thinks that you just might be that saint."

I didn't say it; demon did.

Lately I have heard a lot of whispering. Sometimes I understand the words, sometimes I don't. Usually when I hear it, I just roll my eyes. This is usually followed by demon saying,
"You should not have heard that!"
The other night, I was sitting at my kitchen table, and that whispery little jabber jabber started. I said (out loud),
"Stop it, alright! Just stop it! Yes, I hear it. No, I'm not scared. But, yes, it's creepy, and it's stupid and pointless, so just stop it!"
To which demon replied,
"Don't you know that Satan is testing you?"

Anyway, that's where I am right now.
More on sainthood and dogs, as well as the next part of my story will follow soon.