Demonic Possession is a Helluva Drug

 

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...continued

But, anyway, back to the "You will be tortured until you marry me."
I know that I said "No" repeatedly. I am very confused about what happened during the next few days. This was the time period during which I'm certain that I was full-on possessed. I know that at one point, Johnny convinced me, at least mostly, that I was actually talking to God. I wasn't ever really certain that it was God who was talking to me. It didn't seem like how I thought God would be; but I didn't know what to think. This was in February.

I had visual and auditory hallucinations for one entire day. During this day, Johnny told me that we were actually married; and that because I was married to a spirit, I could now see spirits (meaning ghosts of dead people as well as demons, here; because I still believed in ghosts at that point, not yet realizing that all the "ghosts" we encounter are demons, and Johnny was trying to keep me believing that). I didn't have to work that day, but I did have to take a pet to the vet. Driving to the vet's office, I heard a creepy, despairing, other-worldly voice call,
"Help me..."
Then I heard Johnny explain to me that I had heard the voice of a spirit I passed on the roadside, and it was nothing to worry about.

Parked at the vet's office, I saw a wispy, white, ghostly figure of a man walking around the front of my truck. I couldn't make out his face clearly, but I could see that he was wearing a tank top. He bent down, as if examining my tires. Then Johnny explained,
"That is just a spirit. He likes your truck. Yes, he's checking out your redneck tires."
When I got home, I saw the ghostly forms of my deceased pets running around my house. I couldn't ever make them out clearly, but Johnny would always explain whatever I didn't understand. If I saw a ghost pet scurry by, and was looking confusedly at it, Johnny would say,
"That is [name of pet]. You can't see spirits very well."
A side note: I don't remember if I had realized at this point that he was reading my mind. I think that I had not figured that out yet. I thought that he was merely watching me, and could see what I was looking at. I guess I assumed he was back in the netherworld, because I never saw him, and never questioned why I couldn't see him. Like I said... possessed.

It was also on this day that the other alleged ghostly inhabitant of my house was impersonated. The relative, whom the psychics had told me haunted my house along with the guy I had known, showed up later for a visit. I saw this person, as a whitish, translucent, vapor of a ghost. This person spoke briefly, in a rather convincing voice, and rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. I saw or heard several other 'spirits' inside and outside my home that day. Johnny would always explain, as if instructing me on how to deal with this new reality,
"That is just a spirit," he'd say. "It does not mean any harm. If you do not want to talk to it, tell it to go away."
A few times he said,
"That is a demon! It does mean you harm! You better rebuke it in the name of Jesus Christ!"
Johnny created an imaginary world for me; one in which I was constantly surrounded by ghosts of dead people, ghosts of dead pets, and demons. All of these imaginary entities pranced freely in and out of my home at all hours of the day and night. Of course, none of what I saw that day was real, and all of what I heard that day was Johnny. That was all just an elaborate ruse, designed either to frighten me or drive me crazy.

This is when the telepathy really started. The first thing that happened was that I had ringing in my ears almost constantly. It was like tinnitus. It was that tone you hear sometimes; that siren or alarm sort of sound. I don't know what the connection is exactly, but ringing in the ears has been associated with demonic possession. If you Google "demonic possession" + "ears ringing" you'll find some stuff, surprisingly. I still have ringing in my ears frequently, but I had it nearly constantly for weeks. I have also frequently felt like there is something in one or both of my ears, ever since that time. It's mostly my right ear. It feels like it's stopped up, like when you travel to a higher elevation.

The next thing that happened was that I discovered that I could "hear" Johnny (or God, or whomever he was pretending to be at the moment) by pressing my tragus (that little part of the ear closest to the face, where people sometimes get a piercing). Pressing that creates that conch shell type of sound, like the fabric of the pillowcase rubbing against my ears did. I found, or perhaps was "told", that I could press my tragus repeatedly, and hear words. It reminded me, when I did this, of using one of those little devices that tap out morse code messages. I would get one syllable each time I pressed my tragus, and I could "tap out" a message. This, however, is not really hearing; not in the sense that most people think of hearing. This is some sort of telepathy or clairsentience. I was actually hearing (with my ears) a sound, but hearing (with my mind) a word within that sound. I know how weird that sounds, believe me!

Then, I discovered, quite by accident, that I could "hear" a word or syllable by tapping on anything. For example, I could drum my fingers on a tabletop, like one might do when frustrated or bored. Or I could pat my hands on the steering wheel while driving, "drumming" to the beat of a song, and hear words within that. I could hear words in the rattling sound my space heater makes, in the drippings from the kitchen sink, in the raindrops falling off my roof. Basically, in any rhythm, I could hear words. I can still do all of this, by the way; but I no longer need a rhythm to hear Johnny.

Next, I discovered that I didn't have to tap on anything; I could "hear" Johnny every time I touched my own skin. For example, If I rubbed my hand down my own leg, I'd hear words. If I even so much as touched my tongue to the roof of my mouth, there were words. (Imagine what showering was like.) My "telepathy skill- level," for lack of a better term, stayed about the same until after my first exorcism in March. I don't know if the exorcism had something to do with it necessarily, or if I was just (unwillingly) developing this skill, but around that time my telepathy became strong enough for me to "hear" Johnny entirely in my mind. Anyway, that's what happened. For about two months now, I've been able to hear him completely in my mind; although I still can, and do, hear him in rhythms and through touch.

Anyway, I don't know exactly how I did it; but I somehow managed to exorcise myself to a certain extent before I ever had an exorcism. It was really only a few days that Johnny had that strong of a hold on me. Basically, I remember getting fed up with it all. I remember deciding that it had definitely never been God that I was talking to, just a stupid demon, and deciding "Fuck this." So, maybe that's it, actually. Step one of self-deliverance: Just say, "Fuck this." After that, I became fully myself again; not having any hallucinations or delusions, yet still stuck on a neverending phone call with Hell. That's pretty much where I still am.